COLLISION ➳ JACK GILINSKY

Chapter Eighteen.

I pounded my head against the table. The pain of my action hasn't fully reached me yet, since I was too busy being frustrated by the constant vibrating or ringing of my phone. Ever since the night of the after party hosted by the teen choice awards people, Sammy has been texting me non-stop and when I wouldn't reply to any of his messages, he would call me. My voice messages where filled with his voice, something I didn't want to hear. All of the messages were the same though.

"I'm sorry."

"Please forgive me."

"We need to talk."

"Call me back or text me when you receive this."

"I know you're ignoring me Alyssa."

How he got my number still completely boggled me. Gilinsky sure as heck didn't give him my number, since his bitterness radiated off of him when Sammy revealed that we had dated in the past. It also increased when he and I hugged. Not to mention that his eyes hardened when Cass questioned me about my encounter with Sammy, and how I felt about the whole thing. I felt him tense against me, as if he were uncomfortable with the topic of conversation. And, his mood seemed to change whenever I was with him and my phone rung, seeing that it was Sammy. He would then hang up right away, asking why in the world was he calling me for, with a tone that I couldn't pinpoint.

I'm not sure what he was feeling, either it was jealousy or not, but I highly doubt that Gilinsky would be the one whom gave Sam my number. Although, if he was jealous, then it would be in my advantage, and I would be one step further into my mission. It is hard to read him though. Whenever something like that happened, he would shut himself away from me and distance himself, acting cold the rest of the day. Then, the next day, I would wake up, finding him at the edge of my bed, smiling down at me like his mood didn't ruin anything and we were okay. At first I was startled by the presence, and kicked him out of the bed, but then he explained to me that he had gotten a copy of my hotel room key. I'm still not sure if I felt bothered by this or something else. But one thing he didn't get was, we were never going to be okay.

"Oh my goodness! I can't take this anymore," I screamed, grabbing onto the phone, sliding my finger across it, accepting the call. "What the hell do you want?" I hissed into the phone.

"Woah, someone didn't wake up on the good side of the bed this morning," he teased, chuckling.

"I'm not in the mood for this right now, so tell me what you want?"

"Can we meet up? I want to talk," his teasing tone was no longer there, but instead his voice sounded so serious, and even though I couldn't see his face through the phone, I knew that his face became straight, with little emotion.

I tensed up, the moment the question came. I've heard it before through my voice messages, but this time, it was different. This time, he was on the other line, and I was listening to him, replying back. It was so quiet that I could hear his heavy breathing. I had to answer him.

"I can't," I answered at last, and before he could add to my rejection of his invitation, I spoke again, "I can't. I can't go meet you, and pretend like everything's okay, like I'm still not hurt by what you did to me! Sure, it has been years since then. You can say I'm over reacting or whatever, but I can't just leave everything behind, Sam! I really liked you, in fact, I loved you, and you knew that. You took that to your advantage. You played me. I thought you were my best friend, but you traded popularity for me. How could you? You left me. You fucking left me." By this point, I didn't care that those words that I hated the most left my mouth. I couldn't hide it in anymore. I had to let it all out. "After everything that happened with my parents, and with Cass not being there by my side anymore, I relied on you, but you stabbed me in the back, when I needed you the most. It fucking hurt so bad when you left me that one day, and hung out with Jack. And what's the worst part about that? You joined him in making fun of me, bullying me. Being called a slut, a whore, a prostitute, a girl that sleeps around, a girl who asks for money to blow a guy's dick, by my best friend. Did you think I'd be quick to forgive you about that? Oh and we didn't even get to the interesting part of the story yet. After summer, you came crawling back, asking for my forgiveness. And me, being the naive girl I was, forgot about all you did and gave you a second chance. But you blew it. You blew it the second you made the bet with Jack, to get me to love you, then tell me I meant nothing to you afterwards. You blew it when you pretended to love me, when that was a lie. Did you really think that I wasn't going to find out about that? I can never forgive you for that, and I will never give you another chance again. Now leave me alone."

"But-"

"Bye," I stated sternly.

"But I did love you and I still do," he breathed. His voice sounded so soft and pure, that I almost believed him. Almost.

I hit the end button, and let the phone slide out of my hand.

"What- What did you just say?"

I turned my head towards the speaker, locking eyes with Jack.

"I-"

"You were that girl?"

I tried to say yes, but there was no strength in me to speak, so I just nodded my head, up and down.

He sighed, running his hand through his hair, "Shit. I'm- I'm sorry." He took a step towards me, causing me to take one back. I've heard that phrase before, and it was all lies. All it did was cause me path. I didn't want to walk down that same path again. Hurt flashed in his eyes, as I was stepping further away from him, making the gap between us as big as I wanted it to be. He stopped in his tracks, "Lys, I'm sorry that I ever made you go through that, please believe me when I say that. I have always regretted hurting that girl, and now that I found out that it was you, I regret it even more. I'm sorry for bullying you back then. I was obviously stupid to not see how special of a girl you are."

I don't know why, but in that moment, I collapsed. My knees failed to keep me standing, and I was sent to the floor, crying into the palms of my hands. This. I heard all of this before. All the lies. All the betrayal came flooding back. I don't know if I can take it anymore. I'm scared if I trust the wrong person again, I will break.

His hands covered mine, and I flinched away from his touch. He bent down next to me, removing my hands from my face, lifting my chin up, so that my eyes were aligned with his. His thumb was placed under my eyes, catching any tear that fell, wiping it away. "I'm sorry," he whispered, bringing my head into his chest, kissing the top of my head.

I didn't know if it was how safe and protected I felt in his arms. Or how my body seemed to fit perfectly with his. Or how his eyes looked when I stared into it. How it was filled with guilt and love. Or how his voice, sounded like it was going to break by the sight of me like this. Or how his touch suddenly made feel like I was shot by lightning.

I believed him. I got myself to trust him. I got myself to trust that he wasn't going to hurt me like all the other guys before. I got myself to trust that he was going to take care of me, and not hurt me like he did in the past. I got myself to trust that he was no longer the guy I knew, and he had truly changed. I got myself to trust that he deserved a second chance.

The feelings I felt towards him in this moment scared me. It scared me to think that I could possibly like him. It scared me to think that my feelings would result into something I didn't want. It scared me to think that he was going to play with my feelings.

But I didn't allow myself to think about the events that might take part in the future, whether it scared me or not. I allowed myself to embrace this moment, and how peaceful I felt. I allowed myself to feel things I haven't before. And I allowed myself to forget about my plans of destroying him like he did me.

woah. that was quite a chapter, huh? i'll just let you guys sink in all the new information.