COLLISION ➳ JACK GILINSKY

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Alyssa’s P.O.V.

The past few days have been weird, awkward, unsettling, you could say. I don’t really know how to put it but something has been definitely.. off.

 

It had started just a few short days ago, or rather long since time always feels longer whenever I’m not with Jack. Anyways, it’s had started a couple days after our Skype call when he insisted to go to Madison’s party to even things out, I guess. He had been dismissing my requests to video chat, which confused me at first, but now that I look back at it, I should have seen the red flag right then and there. After my countless questions and requests to see him over video chat again, seeing that it’s the next best thing to seeing him in person, he finally agreed.

 

It wasn’t all what I expected. No, not at all. Usually his face would light up immediately, no matter what time of day or night I would call him. His face would always bright up like the sun, his smile radiating of happiness when he saw my face on the screen. It reassured me that he still feels the same way that I do.

 

But this time, although his face did seem to light up when he saw me, and he gave me a smile, it was different. I could sense the change. His smile showed that he was happy with seeing my face again, but there was a nervousness there. The small way his lips twitched, and he bit on his bottom lip for a small second. Other people would pay no further attention to that action, but I’m not other people. I have spent so much time with him already that this tiny action was a huge sign of how nervous he is and possibly hiding something from me. The look of his eyes showed it all too. His eyes no longer hold the look of pure happiness, but flashes of worry showed.

 

Then, it was my turn to worry. Thinking, at the time, that me hanging out with Sammy had truly bothered him and made him somewhat insecure, so I resulted into apologizing to him right away.

 

“Look, I’m sorry if me spending that much time with Sammy is annoying you, but how many times do I have to tell you that nothing’s going on, nor will anything ever happen to us. Sammy’s merely just a friend to me, a brother even, and he gets that. Even if he loves me that way or not, I don’t, because I love you that way.”

 

I looked at him with such sincerity that it hurt. I hoped that he believes me. I just hope that he wouldn’t let himself down, and would finally understand that I will never leave him and get past that fear. I wish that I could just reach out and grab his hands, in a soothing way, telling him that I truly mean it, but I can’t So I just wish that he could see it in my eyes and in my expression.

 

He shot me a small smile, that looked so genuine that I almost believed him when he said, “Please. I’m not jealous. Well, anymore. Really.” ALMOST.

 

Before I could say anything more, he said, “I really got to go work on a new track, but I’ll call you later okay?”

 

I nodded, unsure of the situation, but ended the call, certainly confused.

 

I thought about it more afterwards. I was so frustrated that he was still jealous. I was racking my brain, trying to think of a way to show him, to reassure him. I was determined to show him that there was nothing to be jealous about. But now, I don’t think it wasn’t jealousy that was upsetting him.