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Chapter 49: Share Your Blessings

BUONG MAGHAPON na yata nakadapa si Bree sa kama.

She should not be crying, she was used to it.

Men came and go in her life.

Correction- she came then go and leave them.

Way back then, Bree knew the logic of this game. Men wanted to feel special and powerful. One fuck with her gave them that feeling. Why not? She's Bree Capri, a reputable slut in the indie movie industry. She had so many x-rated scenes in movies, men wondered if she was hot for real. And she was a trophy they proudly announce they had, or a shameful night they wanted to forget- para lang ipagyabang sa mga nakakainuman ng mga ito na hindi sila tulad ng karamihan na patay na patay sa kanya. Na mataas ang mga standards nito kaya hindi papatol sa kanya.

And as a woman who knew that, Bree didn't hurt when they're gone.

If she enjoyed the sex, it was to her advantage. Dagdag sex vocabulary. Mas lalo siyang nalalayo sa masamang karanasan noong baguhan pa lang siya sa showbiz. If not, at least she learned what kind of men to avoid having sex with.

Plain and simple.

But when it comes to Virgo...

She frowned.

What is so special about him? nginig ng kanyang mga labi. Nanlalambot ang nakalaylay niyang braso na may hawak na bukas na bote ng alak. Is it because... he treated me... like human? Unlike them? Unlike those stupid men I've been with?

Mapait ang naging ngiti niya.

It's so sad... minsan lang ako nakatisod sa matino-tinong lalaki tapos...

She closed her eyes.

Ang babaeng tulad ko kasi... wala nang magseseryoso, 'di ba? I thought that with Virgo... for once, someone looked beyond how damaged I am... damaged in all angles.

Basag ang naging pagtawa niya.

"Ako? Damaged? Paano'ng damaged?" sinubsob niya ang mukha sa kama. Her laughter was muffled... a laughter replaced by sobbing. Lalo niyang kinuskos ang mukha sa kama. Luluhang nag-angat ng ulo para makahinga ng maayos. "God! Oh, God!" tawa niya ulit, manginig-nginig ang boses dahil tinatalo iyon ng kanyang pag-iyak.

She chugged some wine before dropping her arm on the side of the bed again.

Damaged... was I really damaged by my past? Kasi kung ganoon bakit... bakit parang buong-buo naman ako... at parang ngayon lang ako na-damage...

Durog na durog... pag-apaw ng mga luha sa kanyang mga mata nang maalala ang mga pinagsasasabi ni Virgo sa kanya.

"I can't understand, Virgo..." daing niya. "Mahal mo ako... tapos..." she shook her head. "I don't get it."

Lalong gumusot ang kanyang mukha. Buong maghapon na yata siyang isip ng isip. Nagkamali ba siya sa mga sinabi sa lalaki? Isa bang pagkakamali na inamin niya na may feelings siya para rito? Isa bang pagkakamali na umasa siyang totoo ang mga sinabi at pinadama ni Virgo sa kanya?

Pagkakamali ba niya kung nagtiwala siya?

Pagkakamali ba niya kung humiling siya ng kalayaang i-pursue ang pangarap niya?

Her mind was in a whirl. Everything mixed. Pumipintig ang ulo niya- epekto ng alak o labis na pag-aalala, hindi na niya ma-track. She felt more fucked up than she had been.

"I want to see you destroy yourself, Virgo," mapait niyang pikit. "And I want to show you that you... you did not damage me..." garalgal niya.

"My God, Bree!" pasok ni Manager Ken sa bintana ng kwarto niya.