All I Ever Wanted

Chapter Forty-Three

I was right, About Phoebe I mean. She's been fostered already and is only Halloween Eve. That's five days, defiantly a new record.

I wake up early, Lee is still sleeping in her pink bed, hugging a teddy bear. I sigh. I'm going on a shopping trip today with one of the social workers, problem is its a pity trip, not my idea of fun.

I look through my limited clothes and pull on jeans and a t-shirt, my usual attire. I brush my wild curls back and pull them into an overly fuzzy ponytail. I write in my notebook before tearing out the page. I sneak soundlessly out of the room.

Over the last few days I've gotten to know Lee and her friend Jamie. Lee isn't as bad as I first thought. Yes she's talkative and nosey but she doesn't have double standards. Meaning she'll listen while you ramble and let you ask questions too.

Jamie is a whole other story. Her name is actually Jasmine but she hates it. Her hair is long, silky and the colour changes literally everyday. Yesterday her hair was various shades of blue. The day before it was fluorescent orange on one side and pink on the other. The day before it was black with swirls of red sprayed into it. She listens to music that ranges from okay to Heaven help us. She's loud, honest and bubbly. She has no boyfriend but I've been told stories that I don't wish to repeat. Most people think she's rebellious but shes really a big softie.

I take the note and slip it under her door. She wouldn't like being awoken at this time of day. The note basically demands for her to take Lee out for lunch today. For some reason Jamie listens to me more than Lee. But that's a mystery I'll never unravel.

The shopping trip is worse than I expected but now an array of items are in my room and the walls are to be painted, not sure which colour yet though.

I get a gift from Layla and Mike. Its my Halloween costume and just short of half of the cookies I made. There's eleven. There's not enough to share around so Lee, Jamie and I sneak out and have a sleepover, if you can call it that, since we all live in the same place. I help them make costumes of there own and we wear them at our sleepover. We tell horror stories and stay up talking all night.

The worst thing about the place is not the food, but the school. Here I can't home school myself but I have to get a 'proper education'. The words of my social worker, not me. I don't care what she says, I couldn't have been doing a too bad a job of home schooling myself since I'm on the top table. I heard one of the students refer to it as that and I felt quite smug towards my social worker.

The school is so tiny there is only one class for each year group. Everyone knows everyone except for me. Everyone knows were the kids from care and avoid us like the plague. The only friend I have is Lee but I only see her at break. Phoebe still goes to her old school and I never see her.

Time passes quickly and I miss Mike and Layla. I wonder how they are. I wonder if they speak to Marie and Steve. I wonder if someone will foster me. I see people go into the office sometimes and they get handed a folder with all our pictures and names. I might see them pause at a page but never mine. When they flick through I feel like a product in a shop waiting to be sold, I don't like the feeling.

My mean social worker is fired and her replacement come's the same day as grandmothers funeral. I sit on the end of my bed and stare into space. My mind blank. I snap out of my little daze and find something black to wear in my few possesions. There arn't a lot of choices.

Black trousers, a plain top with frills on the shoulders, leggings and a hat. Grandmother thought black was depressing, she wanted people to wear pink on her funeral. I pull out a long pink stripy top and pink leggings to match and change. Who cares what other people thought of me?

I grab my bag which is filled mainly with tissues, I have a feeling I'm going to need them. Lee, quiet for once sits on her bed, all dressed up in black. She looks at me in confusion "I thought we we're going to the funeral?"

I nod "We are. My grandmother wanted bright colours on her funeral, preferably pink. She hated black."

Lee nods and quickly changes. I go and see if Jamie is conscious yet, I find her face down on her bed softly snoring. I feel a moment of evil coming on. The good side of my brain overcomes my devil with the comeback that it would take longer to get out of the house and momentarily we're running slightly late.

I give Jamie a shake and she rolls out of bed and lands on the floor with ba thump. She keeps her eyes closed. Unbelievable, she's still asleep. How she slept through that I have no idea. I poke her on the head. "Hello? Jamie? You freak wake up!"

Immediately when I say freak she sits up and slaps me lightly around the back of the head. "Don't call me names!"

I shoot back "You were asleep!"

"Now I'm awake." She says, stating the obvious. "Hey, why arn't you wearing black?"

The light mood vanishes. "Grandmother hated black. She liked pink." She nods in understanding. At the moment her hair is still blue but she disappears into the bathroom and ten minutes later its shocking pink and teased wildly around her head. I give her a thumbs up. Grandmother would have approved.

I round up Lee and we're in the car with seconds to spare. The quiet is solemn and respectful. I get through without breaking down sobbing only because grandmother seemed to want things to go quickly and smoothly. Not that smoothly was in grandmothers vocabulary, but still. The second reason is one hand is tightly clutching Lee's and the other is wrapped tightly around Layla's who has been sitting beside me the whole service. I know Phoebe is here somewhere in the crowd.

The thing that takes up most time is the speaches. Some of her friends go up, including Diane. Then it's my turn. I go up front and open my paper only to find I can't read it. The ink is smeared with salty tears. I don't remember crying though. I refold the paper and say whatever comes to mind.

"Grandmother was the craziest person I know, in a good way." A few muffled giggles, and my lips tilt slightly upwards. "She broke out of a nursing home, climbed out the window, landed in a rose bush and manages to pass away dressed as a flying horse. Grandmothers the only person who could manage all that." More laughs, less restrained this time. I smile sadly."But she was serious too and loved Phoebe and I." My eyes meet with Mikes, and I hope we're the only two who noticed when my voice broke on Phoebes name.

"I thank her for everything. She was, and always will be loved. I'll never forgot you." But my gaze is locked tightly with Phoebes. She hears the echo of the double meaning in my words. The tears are gone but there is a lump in my throat that doesn't allow me to say anymore. I run into the woods beside the graveyard.