All I Ever Wanted

Chapter Forty

We deliver the letter and arrive back at home. The clouds above are dark and gray but its not raining yet. Before we have a chance to go into the house a huge, black car pulls up on the drive. It's our father. I know its stupid but after last time I convinced myself that he would leave us alone. Whatever his plan was last time didn't work so I'd hoped he'd given up. Should have known things wouldn't be easy for me. They rarely are.

I look at Phoebe. She doesn't have the reaction I did. Actually the opposite. She leans forward and rests her hand on the door handle ready to leap out of the car as soon as it rolls to a stop. I sigh. She looks at everyone and see's the good, even if there is none there. Its a beautiful personality trait but she's too naive for her own good. One day the trust she selflessly gives others will be betrayed, because that's what people do. Trust is a hard things to get back once it's gone. People learn this the hard way. 

Layla stops he car and Phoebes door flies open. Phoebe is standing next to father before I've even undone my seat-belt. I press the button that releases me from the belt but it has no effect. I press it again with the same result. Wonderful. I'm trapped in a car. Just freaking great.

I look up to see Phoebe getting into the expensive car. I use the term 'car' loosely, its more of a truck or Jeep. I'm not really sure, I'm not a car person. The truck is high above the ground and Phoebe struggles with getting into the car. My father sits in the front seat. I can see him through the front window only since the others are tinted or hidden from view. He peeks in the mirror and see's me looking.

He mouths to me words that sends shivers of horror down my spine. 'This time I won't bring her back'.

Perhaps I misread. But the sinking feeling in my stomach tells me I'm right. I thrash against the seat belt for a second but its not doing anything. My father sits and watches my pathetic attempts to escape my restraints. I breathe in once and out once. I have a little time since he appears to be watching the show with amusement.

I pull at the strap and it gives me plenty of room. I slide out and race towards the car. I'm about five steps away when he takes action. My foot hits the floor, he turns the key. My other foot hits the floor, he slides on his seat belt. I'm three steps away, he puts it in gear. Two steps, he pulls off.

One step... There is no last step. I leap and hold onto the spare tyre that is attached to the back of the car. The car pulls forward anyway. I cling desperately on. My father drives forwards quickly trying to throw me off. I continue to hold on. A car pulls out and he's forced to stop. I gain precious seconds. Standing to the side I throw open the boot and climb in. My father stupidly left the doors open. 

I climb over and land in the seat next to Phoebe. Phoebe looks at me in surprise "What..." She begins confused but I interrupt her. 

"Get out of the car." My voice is emotionless. I feel myself throwing up the walls that have protected me against emotion so many times before. I thought maybe I never would have to use them again. But at least now my father can't emotionally hurt me, and that's the way that does more damage than a physical blow ever could.

Phoebe obeys my command. I step out with her and stand between her and father. She recognises the protective stance and tries to push me away "He's not mother Emma" She protests. 

"No. He's worse." I say, bluntly honest. No more sugar coating. Phoebes silent while she processes my words.

Father just stares at me blankly. "You had to ruin it, didn't you?"

I smile. "Me?" I begin to laugh hysterically. Maybe those walls arn't as tough as they seem. "Me. I ruined it. The irony crack's me up." My laughter subsides. He was the one who destroyed everything. Time and time again.

Before I can stop her Phoebe runs forward into fathers arms. "He didn't do anything Emma!"

I stare at her. "What?"

"He didn't do anything!" She insists.

I breathe deeply. "Your choosing him, over me?"

Phoebe doesn't hesitate. "Yes."

Then I understand. This was never about Phoebe. Always about me. Father blamed me, for everything. Loosing mother, loosing Phoebe. He couldn't see that he did that all by himself. He blamed me and wanted to punish me. What better way than to take the person I cared most about, the person who I tried to protect. And what better way than to make her do it willingly? I sink to the floor desparingly.

All the times I've been hurt before doesn't compare to now. The time I was abandoned by my mother is only an echo of what I feel now. Barely anything. If I thought I was beaten before, I was wrong. This, this is real pain. This time I'm broken beyond repair. I fall to the fall as if pinned there by an invisible force. Then the rain falls. It falls heavily down at runs like tears down my face. But I can't bring myself to cry. 

I whisper to him. "You did it. You won, okay? You got what you wanted. You got her."

My father smiles cruelly. "You think this is over? I think not."

What more can he do to me?

That's when he takes out the knife. I almost laugh. Cutting me will only be salvation from my pain. That knife couldn't harm me, not in the way he wants. But he doesn't bring it to me. He holds  it to Phoebes throat.

Why do I do it? Let myself think there is nothing worse than now, only so he can bring me to a new low?

But he unknowingly made a mistake. He forgot the reason I've fought for this long. I've fought for her, her safety, her happiness. And just because she picked him, that doesn't mean I'm going to stop now.

I get up off the floor. He has his back to me and there's no way he can stop me now. I push him, catching him off guard. He topples sideways and as he does I snatch the knife from him. The only place to grab it though is that blade. I don't flinch as it cuts through layers of skin. I turn it around in my hand and hold it to his throat. I could kill him, right now. If I wanted to.

"Layla, pass me your phone." She does without question.

I dial nine, nine, nine. "Police." I demand to the woman on the phone.