I Never Wanted To Love You (or did I...)

Fallen Angel, Part 1 // Whizzvin

The woodland ground was cold and icy. Strong gusts of wind blew through trees, snapping off the weakest of branches. Dark clouds loomed in the sky sending a message that rain would soon fall. The large oak tree creaked and slightly swayed in the gloomy night. But, on its right-hand side, a small figure dressed in white lay still on the ground. Only moving when taking a breath. But this figure was like no other. Their toga was the brightest white to ever be created, the golden lining glistened even with the lack of light. Golden sandals graced the poor man's feet with a small headband to match. His eyes were shut tight and his shoulder-length hair fell gracefully onto his left cheek. The man looked as though he had been thrown to the ground, so as soon as Marvin spotted him he knew that he had to help.

Marvin was your ordinary man. He had a well-paying job that he despised. A family that he never saw anymore because he divorced his wife after coming out as gay. A psychiatrist that he paid $80 an hour for him to do absolutely nothing. And some lesbian neighbors who were the only people that kept him sane. Actually, I think it's safe to say that the only ordinary thing about Marvin is his name. But the one thing about Marvin that paid him stand out from the rest was his huge heart. The man couldn't walk past a homeless man on the street without offering him some food or money, and this guy was not going to be an exception.

He slowly approached the man and tapped him on the shoulder. No movement. Marvin decided to shake him. Still nothing. After five minutes and no avail, Marvin grabbed a spare bottle of water from his bag. He threw it on the man's face, who quickly sprang awake, and quickly acted as if he had never done such a thing.

"What was that for!" The unknown man snapped.

"Well I had to make sure you were alive. I don't want to deal with a dead body." Marvin replied as he crossed his arms.

"I. Was. BREATHING!" The man shouted clearing not liking Marvin's previous actions.

"Jesus Christ, next time I'll leave you do die of frostbite."

"Don't say his name in such a tone!"

"Who?"

"Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Fine then." Marvin smirked, "I'll just stick to oh my god."

"That's even worse." The man sighed "I will never understand how you got to heaven."

"Heaven?"

"Yes."

Marvin started to laugh. "My friend you are definitely not in heaven right now."

"Well, where am I?"

"Earth."

***

It had been an hour since Marvin had explained a lot of information and the mysterious man had finally finished crying.

"Are you finally done?" Marvin asked, "Because I don't know if you do but I have a life that I need to get back to. If you want some help, find someone else.

"No please don't leave me." The other man begged.

"You literally called me a cock guzzling whore 5 minutes ago." Marvin rolled his eyes.

"I know, I do apologize. I insult people when I get upset." 

"I didn't notice."

The pair sat in silence for a few seconds, until Marvin spoke up.

"I think I'm going to borrow some of your insults. Narsacistic dickwad is my personal favorite."

The two men started laughing and listed off the best insults that had just been used. 

"But on a serious note, can you tell me your name? If not it's going to be shitdick for all eternity." The man laughed.

"Marvin."

"Well Marvin, I'm Whizzer." Marvin burst out laughing, "What's so funny?"

"I had an English penpal for a while, and he said that they used to words whiz or whizzer to say went they were going toilet to pe,." Marvin said and carried on laughing.

"You've got to be joking?!"

"Nope."

"Oh my god!"

"You just broke your own rule."

"I don't give a shit at the minute Marvin, I just found out that british people use my name to announce when they need to pee!"

"For a holy man you do swear a lot."

"Its one of the reasons I'm here hunny."

A/N A funny one shot? Who am I? (24601)