Past, Present, No Future. (Harry Styles)

74. Confronted

~ Harry's _ POV +

Something my dad and I would always do was go out into this old forest I took Vanessa too and take pointless photos and just do pointless things. Although I would hate having any 'father-son bonding' with my dad, I still really loved going to the forest. Of course after he left I would come more and more often which is when I began loving this place so much more. It was my get away. And in this forest, there was a small house that my dad told me would support you at your lowest. He said that if he could, he would live in that tiny little house. So I figured, why not check in the tiny little house?

I parked my car a few blocks away from the forest, stuffing my hands into my jacket pockets as I walked down the pavement and passing through a small opening in the trees.

I tried very hard to avoid the house when I was here with Vanessa, we took the complete opposite route my dad and I would usually take. But it didn't mean I don't remember where it was.

As much as I was shaking and panicking about what I was going to say and do, I refused to take anything that would calm me down. I wanted to be 100% there, mentally and physically. And although I wanted to get high and lose myself, I refuse to let myself give in at least until all of this was over.

I walked the familiar dirt path through the trees and bushes beginning to see the old broken fence of the small building. I walked up the steps of its front porch hearing the wood creak underneath my feet. Holding my hand up I was ready to knock, then I remembered. I remembered the day he walked into my room with a cup in one hand and paperwork in the other. I remembered when he walked into my room with a video camera and a dirty magazine. I remembered when he walked into my room, grabbed my shirt,  and told me if I were to tell my mum or Gemma that he would promise to kill me.

My breathing became uneasy as I backed away from the door, I stumbled back down the porch steps and rushed back down the dirt path and to my car. Breathing heavily I brought my forehead to the roof of the vehicle.

I cursed to myself hitting the car with my fist. I yanked the door open getting into the drivers seat and began punching the steering wheel.

Reaching into my pocket I pulled out two things, my lighter and my list. Popping open my glove compartment I shuffled through the parking tickets and loose change looking for any spare cigarettes that might've fallen out of a pack I had stuffed in there.

"Fuck" I muttered opening the ash tray of the car and checking in there as well.

With no luck, I lied my head back on the seat and I couldn't help but want to loose myself.

I need her. I can't get anything in gear without her. I need her help, her guidance. I need her to tell me I'm being an idiot for craving something I know can weaken me. I need her to tell me that seeing my dad is suicide, but a good idea. I need her to tell me that I'll be okay when even she knows I won't. Because she knows me more than I know me, and I know her more than she knows herself. It's how we work. Even though she moved on, I still love her as if she were still mine.

"Another day" I said to myself, starting the car I began down the road.

At a stop sign I pulled out my cell phone going through my recent calls and dialing the number I've known by heart now.

"Stop calling me" Anna's voice sound angry.

"I'm not calling about Josie this time" I told her accelerating after the stop sign.

"Then what do you want?" she asked.

"I need your help"

"With what?" she asked and I can hear the aggravation in her voice.