Past, Present, No Future. (Harry Styles)

75. Missed Memories

I paced back and forth with my cell phone glued to my cheek until I decided at last minute to hang up on who I was calling.

I wanted to do this on my own. I didn't want to rely on someone else to help me with my problems anymore. To me, being dominant meant being able to overcome something tough to you with your own strength. And that's what I was going to do.

I don't know how, but something about this; all of this made; me feel good. The thought that something that meant so much to my Gran being in my hands made me feel as if I was important. Of course Liam would help me with this as much as he possibly could. But I still felt important.

I rummaged through the storage cabinets in the hallway looking for a notebook I could use. There had to have been one around here somewhere saying that Harry would constantly use them at work.

I breathed out, pushing the small stray hairs out of my face from the ponytail I had. I promised myself I would stop thinking of Harry so much. And if I found myself doing so, I would force myself to think of something else. So, that notebook.

I stood on my toes, reaching up to where I can see the few pages. Pinching onto its corner, I pulled it down from the high shelf it laid.

Opening to the first page I sighed tearing out the paper with Harry's writing all over it. As well as the second page, and the third.

I walked downstairs and too the living room, kneeling down to the coffee table I picked up a stray pen that lie on the surface.

I wrote 'Guest List' on the paper scribbling it out and replacing it with 'Visiters' instead.

Writing the names I had memorized from the note, along with the phone numbers I would call them with I stood up finally deciding I had to call him this time.

I grabbed my phone from the kitchen counter table, tapping Liam's name I brought my phone to my ear.

"Hello" his tiresome voice answered making me glance at the clock. It was a little after noon.

"Why so groggy?" I asked, scratching at the loose paint that was peeling from the bottom of the table.

"I just ended practice" he explained, "I hate coming back from vacation"

"If you call it a vacation" I sighed remembering I had work again next week.

I heard Liam stifle a sigh, "Why do you call?" he asked.

"Have you set up that date to the cemetery people?" I asked bringing the end of the pen I had in my hand between my teeth.

"Yes, I have" he said with his voice becoming softer.

"Thank you" I said hanging up the phone.

Both Liam ad I have been distancing ourselves from the world. I don't know how he saw it but this is how I did, it seems as if God doesn't want us to have family. The one last person we had just happened to be ill and leave just a month after knowing her. I hated it. I really did. And I hated God for having this happen. I wouldn't care the pain on me, but the pain on my brother is something I would kill to get rid of.

And I can sense this was paining him, when I would call him I can hear the pain in his voice.

I remember when mum passed away, the pain he had. No, I wouldn't call it pain. The agony he had. I was thirteen and he was fifteen at the time. Every night I would hear him sobbing from my room and I would sneak into his own so I could hold him. But at that same time so he could hold me, comfort me. And I know it sounds selfish but, we both needed the love we desired.