Lyrics

Roses pt. 1 - Camila

I practically ran to my hotel room. I prayed my manager and my mom weren't there. I needed to be alone, I needed to figure out the shitstorm that was taking place in my head.

I was an idiot, an absolute idiot. There was a reason Shawn had never tried to kiss me when we did IKWYDLS. There was a reason he didn't say anything when I was hanging out too much with Colson. He didn't want me; I'd let my emotions run away again and ended up doing the thing I was most scared of doing. Trying to figure out how I was going to get through this and still have him as my friend afterwards, that's how I would spend the rest of my night – mom and manager be damned!

I tossed and turned that night, failing to sleep completely. I was hot, then cold. Shaky then sore. My head was exploding with thoughts and my heart felt heavy. I loved Shawn; I'd known it for years – but as a friend. Had today changed everything?

I couldn't deny it, I had loved kissing him. The second our lips touched; I knew it felt right – I wanted to do it again. The way he held me made me feel whole, complete. But then remembering what we were, who we were and what our jobs were, I had to pull back, had to be realistic.

Seeing the pain in his eyes as I said we could only be friends; I knew he felt the same for me as I did for him. But we couldn't ever say it, couldn't take it any further – the ramifications on our careers and our futures would be too difficult to navigate, wouldn't they? I couldn't make sense of it, make sense of myself.

The next morning, there was someone knocking at my door. When I couldn't ignore it any longer, I got up - irritable and impatient, I flung the door open, fully expecting my manager to be there to whisk me off to the next meeting. Instead, it was someone from the hotel. He smiled at me and gave me small note and a single red rose.

My heart stopped. I opened the note; 'Will you let it die or let it grow?'