Lyrics

Like This - Shawn

I left for the start of my North American tour. I was excited to be touring again but felt such overwhelming nervousness about Señorita and about Camila. I didn't regret what had happened between us, that much I knew. But I was worried about the song being released, about what people would make of it, especially when they found out about Camila and Matthew's break up.

Camila and I still spoke most days, but I didn't push her about us. She hadn't raised the topic, so neither did I. I felt like a coward, but I was too worried about spooking her. I'd resigned myself to the fact that I would wait until she was ready to deal with it, ready to talk about it, before I delved that deep into my emotions again.

But her name was almost second nature to my tour mates and band now. Most of them having heard about the seriously sexy video shoot and teasing me endlessly about it. The moment I saw Andrew after my night with Camila, he had given me a look that told me he knew exactly what had happened. I didn't know whether to admit to him that my head and heart was in a state of flux from the experience with her. In return, he hadn't confirmed when we would release the song, but Connor, Sam – even my best friend Brian were asking me on a daily basis how Camila was, teasing me about when I was going to see her again, checking in on when the music video would come out, questioning how we'd incorporate it into the show... my head was spinning with the pressure and nerves.

When I didn't answer their questions directly, choosing to either write and play new music or workout as a distraction, they would smile secretively at each other then leave me in peace as they went off on their creative scheming.

It had been a week and a half since we'd filmed the music video; a week and a half since I'd held her, kissed her, laid myself bare to her physically and emotionally...I was starting to lose control of my restraint, my fingers constantly itching to dial her number over the days.

Then her song with Mark Ronson came out. I watched the music video and my body was thrumming with desire again, remembering what we did to each other, how we'd worshiped each other that night. But what was even more powerful, was listening to Find You Again - my heart was in my mouth. The words, the raw emotion I felt in her lyrics, even if it was only a pop song – it felt like it was directed right at me. I could hear some of the lyrics from my songs Mercy and When You're Ready mirrored in her words. She told me she had to submit the lyrics herself, that Mark was simply the operation behind the melody, the tune – not the words. Was I imagining all of it? Could she really have written it about the feelings we'd been denying for years?

I had to call her, had to speak to her, had to see her. I clicked her icon on my FaceTime and prepared myself, running my hands through my hair nervously as it rang.

"Hola Señor Mendes!" She answered cheerfully within a few seconds. She was in her bikini, lying next to her pool, the sun shining on her beautiful skin. My throat closed, the memories of her from our night together forced themselves into my mind's-eye. Immediately, I was overcome with physical desire. My jaw must have dropped open because she suddenly cackled on the other side of the phone. "Shawn, hello?! Words my love, words!" Camila teased.

The term 'my love' made me snap out of my reverie, it was the first time she'd called me that. The first time she'd used a more intimate pet name toward me. How was I supposed to react? How did I take this next step? I decided to rely on music, it had always been our crux. I cleared my throat, "Find You Again" I managed to croak out before I lost my nerve and forgot my words, her responding giggle made me see stars.

"You like it?" She asked, I nodded energetically on the other side, not trusting my voice again. "Yeah I recorded it when we were doing Grammy rehearsals," she raised her eyebrow at me...Did that mean? What did that mean? I couldn't figure out what she was trying to say...
"It's awesome Mila, it's going to be a hit!" I finally said, relieved that my voice sounded semi-stable this time round.
"Hmm I don't know, it probably won't be as successful as his one with Miley, but it's ok. He was...interesting to work with." She mused, emphasising the word as she sat up, running her hands through her long hair. I could see myself there with her, running my hands down her sides, scooping her hair aside and kissing her neck, making her sigh my name in the process like she had done that night... my eyes must have glazed over because she then said, "Shawn, are you ok? You look so pale..." she said, moving in closer to the camera, a frown on her face. I shook my head and brought myself back to reality, was I ok? What was happening? Before I could control it, before I knew what was coming out of my mouth, I breathed, "I just really miss you ..."
She answered with a small, shy smile and fluttered her lashes at me. "Well, then it's a good thing I've got news for you..." she started, "I've got a photo shoot for V magazine In a few days and I wondered whether you'd like to do it with me? To launch Señorita?"
My heart started racing as I found my voice again, "You want to launch it? This close to your song with Mark?" I tested
"I just told you Shawn, I don't really think that song will fly that well. But you and me? Well, I know what I feel and I know it's going to soar." She said the words calmly, but I could feel the love behind them, the passion I had felt during our night together. My stomach did backflips at her confession.

"You're sure?" I croaked again, I had to get control of my voice, I was a goddamn singer, this was almost embarrassing!
She laughed, "Yes Shawn, I told you - the surest I've been of anything ever." She said strongly, flashbacks of the first time she'd said it forcing themselves into my mind. I couldn't form words; my heart was beating too quickly to be healthy. I must still have looked peachy because she added in a softer whisper, "Please come do the shoot with me Shawn?"

I closed my eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. Then I looked back at her and with as much strength and love as I could muster in my voice, I responded, "I will do anything for you Mila."