Lyrics

Why Pt. 2 - Camila

I knew that eventually we'd have to talk. We'd have to acknowledge how much our actions had just complicated a beautiful 5- year friendship. But right now, after all the feelings, emotions and sensations we'd just experienced together, I needed to be honest with him. The most honest I'd been with him since the moment we met.

I felt him tense as I took a deep breath to start, to try get my thoughts together;

"Every-time..." my voice came out hoarse, unsurprisingly. I cleared my throat and smiled against his neck then I tried again, "Every time I've been in a dark place, feeling insecure, scared, sad, worried, overwhelmed...all of it," I took a deep breath, "I would listen to Why." Where his fingers had been running up and down my back, he momentarily stopped, I didn't think too much about it as I ploughed on, I needed to tell him.

"I listened to Why and it would help pull me out of those darkest moments because..." I could feel the tears forming, "Because I knew that somewhere out there, usually thousands of miles away from me, sadly" I muttered under my breath, "Somewhere there was someone who knew every part of me and didn't run away. Who showed me kindness, friendship, loyalty..." I could go on with this point, but I had to remind myself to breath and get to the point. "Someone who knows me, heart and soul..." I choked out the words, not quite believing how emotional this was, "and still holds on for me...holds on to me."

I kissed his neck and then moved slightly to look him in the eyes as I said the last lines. "I've been an idiot to think you've just been my friend all these years." I shook my head as I took in his beautiful face, his soft eyes. "Because now, I'm pretty sure I've known since day one that this pull, this thing between us, is so much more." I stroked his jawline, traced his lips with my fingertips and ran my hand through his hair - all in sequence. I could touch him like this forever and still not get used to it.

He looked overwhelmed, like he still couldn't compute what had just happened. We just looked at each other for a moment, but the silence was starting to make me nervous, "I don't want to lose you..." I whispered as I stared into his eyes, feeling scared and emotional. "I don't want to lose this. Especially not now, Shawn - not after everything we've been through..." I trailed off... I couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't finish trying to tell him how much this meant to me.

He responded by pulling me tighter and kissing me hard before he looked intently into my eyes. Cupping my face in his big hands, he said; "I love you, Camila Cabello. You...in your entirety." The words were said without hesitation, without a kernel of fear in his eyes or his voice. It made me shake, I felt dizzy with emotion. But he carried on. "I won't pretend that this is something sudden for me, I've known it for years. But I know that you need time and although..." he started to shake his head slightly, looking down in contemplation, was he losing his nerve? I held onto his wrists desperately as he gripped my face so tenderly, "... although I don't want this, what we have, what we just did... to ever end..." he sighed softly, the weight of those words hitting me so hard. "I understand that you need time and I'm here, I'm ready and I'll always be waiting for you." He had brought his forehead against mine, his eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that could break me.

I let a couple of tears run down my cheeks for a few quiet moments, trying to figure out how to handle this, figure out what I was going to say.

Suddenly, I felt a wave of unadulterated happiness hit me, he loved me. He'd always loved me. I hadn't felt so whole, so consumed by something for years. I smiled; a full, real and heart-warming smile as I said, "Then let's not let it end..." I pushed him deeper into the bed and started kissing him fervently again.

He responded with a low sound in his throat and then a series of soft, elated laughs between our sudden kisses before he wrapped his strong arms around my waist again and pulled me harder against his body.

Our first time was a rushed, desperate affair. The second time was slow and heart-wrenching, but this time, we'd have fun; we'd enjoy the fact that we'd found each other and had accepted our fate together.