Lyrics

Mutual - Camila

The morning after was usually something that was both slightly awkward and yet also something thrilling. Wondering what the other person thought of you after your nightly activities... wondering whether there was something more than just lust... wondering what else they were thinking about...

But with Shawn, after our history together and our confessions over the last few months and the last few hours - it was a completely unique experience.

I didn't feel nervous, awkward or scared. I felt whole, I felt warm and exhilarated. Even though I was still in my clothes from last night, my hair a curled mess from the shoot the day before and my makeup flaky from sleeping in it, I somehow felt like I was glowing. Shawn looked suitably bedhead, his hair a tussled mess, his lips slightly swollen from where I'd kissed him so much, it made desire thrum through my blood as we sat at the breakfast table in a small cafe near his apartment.

We didn't break from physical contact for long, holding hands whilst we waited for our meal, running our legs along one another under the table, him tucking stray pieces of hair behind my ear when they'd escape. I couldn't believe how at ease we were, that's what scared me the most; that this felt so normal to us. We talked about general stuff, like our friends, our family, anything but us. But I was starting to get fidgety, I decided to test the waters again.

"So last night..." I started, casually running my fingers over his shoulder whilst I looked up at him through my lashes, his gaze flickered over my lips in response. "I won't lie to you Shawn, you were...incredible." I smiled seductively. On cue, he blushed and gave a small, shy smile, my chest grew tight at the sight, but I wasn't done. "I'm not saying I'm surprised, of course...I just never thought I'd experience that." I purred, still stroking his skin and looking at him adoringly. I could tell it was having the intended effect.
"Me too..." he responded silkily, his voice deep with desire as he placed a small, soft kiss on my lips in response. I was fighting the urge to giggle at his obvious restraint but then I had to remind myself how hard I was finding it, controlling my need for him.
"Did the girl you danced with in Miami teach you some of those moves, Canada?" I added cheekily, knowing full well he'd probably been with many girls who had taught him exactly what it was that made a difference in the bedroom, he'd always been a good learner after all.

He looked confused for a split second, then smiled back cheekily as he leaned down to whisper in my ear, "There's never been another girl in Miami ..." He winked; my mouth went dry. "The verse was me imagining what it would be like to be with you."
Between my beating heart and sweaty palms, I managed to smile coyly, my insides alive with anticipation as his breath tickled my neck, "And did the reality live up to it?" I whispered back, feeling a bit nervous at my boldness.
He looked at me what felt like ages, the light in his eyes dancing, "The reality blew my mind Camila Cabello..." he purred back, kissing my neck in the process and making me see stars.

We could easily do this for hours, days even without having to face reality, face our jobs, our lives. But just as I was about to lean in and kiss him properly, my phone started ringing and I saw it was my mom. I groaned in annoyance; Shawn simply smiled shyly as he took a sip of his coffee. How were we going to explain this?!

My mom came to pick me up an hour later from his apartment, his earlier shyness disappearing completely as he bounded up to her car and gave her a confident kiss on the cheek in greeting. She smiled warmly at him and held his hand as she looked up at him, a silent question in her eyes. He responded by nodding and saying, "Gracias" quietly. From where I was, slowly walking to the car from his front door - I watched the whole scene with tears in my eyes.

It seemed my mom had always known how Shawn felt and had known how I felt too, even before I did. Shawn obviously knew it too, hence their warm embrace. I was floored by this feeling, this feeling of belonging, like he was my home.

The realisation had stopped me in my tracks, still a good few paces away from the car, just staring at them. Suddenly he was standing in front of me again, lifting my chin as he pulled me closer with his other hand around my waist. Staring into his eyes, I couldn't find the words to express the sea of thoughts currently swirling in my head.

"I wish we didn't have to leave each other...ever." He whispered, stroking my hair as he talked, "but we know what the reality is." He added, his voice cracking with emotion. I broke his eye contact for a moment to stare at his chest, the emotion building too fast. "I leave for Toronto tomorrow and Portland for the start of my tour a few of days after that." he explained, his voice still low and laced with emotion. "I want to see you as much as I can, but it's your choice. It's always your choice." He had pulled me tighter against him, his strong arms wrapped around me as I gazed up at him, leaning into his touch, the touch that had changed everything.

"Take a few days to work out how you feel..." he started, I suddenly felt numb, there were too many emotions in me right now. "Just remember I'm always here, always." He said softly but confidently, the words coated in a strange, powerful emotion I couldn't begin to understand right now.

I nodded, pulling his face down to meet mine in a searing kiss. After a few moments of just breathing each other in, I said the only words I could think of, the ones I had felt for months, maybe even years; "It will always be you, Shawn." I squeezed his hand then left him in his driveway and went back home with my mom.