Lyrics

Show You Pt. 2 - Camila

I woke up the next morning to my phone blowing up with messages from people. What was going on?! All of them said the same thing, 'Oh my god, did you see? Do you think it's about you?'

Some were from friends, some from other artists I'd worked with. Eventually it was Taylor Swift who came to my rescue with the best explanation;
Honey, I think we have got what we call, a global declaration of love going on. She started her text, before I could respond, she sent her next message with a link from YouTube of Shawn singing in Berlin last night.
I clicked play; Shawn was standing on stage, looking elated but thoughtful. Holding his guitar, he ran his hands through his hair, I knew this was his tell-tale sign of nervousness, then he said, "This next song is one of my favourites from the album, it's...it's very real." He said, looking out happily at his sea of adoring fans, "It's about when you love someone so much, that you're willing to wait so many years till they're ready for you. Sing it with me if you know the words..." He then started singing When You're Ready to the crowds, but I could barely hear it.

My ears were ringing, my head was pounding. I closed my eyes and groaned, falling back into my bed and pulling the covers over my head. This had to be a bad dream, it had to be...

My sister came running into my room at that point, screaming her lungs out with excitement. "Did you see?! Did you see, did you see, did you seeeee?!" She was jumping on my bed as I cried great big elephant tears. My mom came into my room shortly afterwards. She must have given my sister the look of death because suddenly Tofi was out of my room and my mom was stroking my hair where it was poking out over the covers.

"Mi amor..." she said sadly.
"What do I do mom?" My mom knew everything that was going on in my life, she was my best friend and could read me like a book. I lifted my tear-stained face from below the covers and sniffed sadly.
Her soft eyes found mine and she smiled as she said, "You do Señorita, mi amor, you sing that beautiful song with Shawn and you let your heart decide." She whispered as she hugged me.
She was right, we were in too deep to stop now, we had other artists helping us with the lines. We had to do this. But also, finishing it could just help Shawn and I get over this, whatever this was.

Maybe it was my fault that Shawn said those things on stage, maybe the lyrics I provided him earlier in the day had ignited a spark within him. I couldn't blame him; I'd written them shortly after seeing his Calvin Klein shots on Instagram. As well as breaking the internet, they had somehow broken my ability to pick up my jaw from the floor. I'd been in the recording studio when I saw them, but then I couldn't un-see them. Forcing myself to write out my feelings as lyrics was the only way to get over it.

Maybe that's just what we needed for the rest of the song, so I nodded sadly to my mom and whispered my darkest secret to her, "Is it wrong to love them both?"
She looked at me for a long time then said, "Find out through music, my love. Go find out through your music."

So, I did just that. I signed off from all things and buried myself in the recording studio. I didn't message Shawn about his confession during the Berlin show. I didn't even message to ask what he thought about my extra Señorita lines. I told Matthew I was hibernating in the studio and to not take it personally, I'd be out when I was ready. I was done with all this drama, I just wanted to create music.

A few emotional weeks later, I received a beautiful big box from Shawn's team. He was still away, that much I knew, so what was he sending me? Inside was a rainbow coloured album with a cassette player and cassette.
And that's how I fell; I fell heart and soul into, If I Can't Have You.