Lyrics

Like To Be You - Shawn

If Summer 2017 Havana was peak Camila-Craze then right now, May 2019 was Mendes-Mania.

I was on the cloud nine of life. I'd released If I Can't Have You and it had shot through the charts to become my fastest hit. My fans were thrilled with the song and other artists like my hero, John Meyer, were posting rave reviews about it. Naturally, the media had started speculating who it was about but that didn't change the fact that the song was a certified banger. I was so proud of it. Proud of it being out there, being enjoyed by the world. I was also proud of my European tour, which had just ended. I was pumped for my North American Tour, which would start in 6 weeks. Pumped to be a Calvin Klein ambassador - the billboards of me were literally everywhere. I was too damn happy to be embarrassed by it. All of it took work, my music, my performances, my physique - I had nothing to be embarrassed about, I worked damn hard at all of it.

I was doing all the promos and tours when I got the call from Ali Tamposi, saying Camila had given the ok to some new lyrics. I was at home in Toronto, reading them on my phone when my stomach twisted in discomfort. These had to be some of the sexiest lines in the whole song. Was Camila sure they would be ok? Suddenly I felt guilty, guilty for the position I'd put her in with this song. Would her and Matthew survive this? Would her and I survive this? If the media-frenzy really did get out of control...

I needed to call her, talk to her about it. I needed her to know that I would understand if she wanted to change the lyrics or dial it back a bit. My call went straight to voicemail. My calls over the next 2 days all went to voicemail. I was going crazy, worrying about her more than anything. I thought she'd be back from Italy by now, thought she'd be able to talk again. She'd said she would touch base when she was back, why was she avoiding me? Eventually, I decided to try her mom. Desperate and sick with worry, I dialled.

"Hola?" Sinu's distinct voice answered
"Hi Sinu, it's Shawn"
"Ay Shawnito! Hola mi amor! Are you ok?" She said, suddenly worried
"Sinu, I'm worried about Camila, I haven't heard from her in weeks, my calls aren't going through. Is she ok? Please tell me she's ok?" I stuttered; I was at a loss.
She was quiet for a while; I didn't know what she was doing but she seemed hesitant. "Shawn darling, she's ok. She's home now but she's just taking some time out. She'll be up and back to business soon. Don't worry darling." She said, her voice quiet and controlled.
It did nothing to calm me, "Sinu, I don't care about business, I just want to know if she's ok. I'm worried..." I was close to breaking. The next second, the phone made a crackly noise and a muffled voice was in the background. I could hear whispering in Spanish before Camila's voice washed over me.

"Shawn? Are you ok?" She said, sounding concerned
It was like coming up for air after being underwater; "Thank god, Mila ... I was worried about you!!" I started urgently.
"Shawn please don't worry, I'm ok. I've had a couple of days off after my trip, that's all." She said quickly, trying to reassure me, "I was going to call you soon and say congratulations, If I Can't Have You is everywhere! You're the hit of the summer Canada, I'm so proud."
She said the kind words perfectly, but I still felt her numbness behind them. I didn't know what to do next, did I push it and get her to open up to me, I could sense something was terribly wrong? Or did I leave her to be alone and figure this out herself? My mom's mantra coming back to me, 'Set it free.' I still hadn't said anything, so she filled the silence.
"The thing is, I know you're probably in the middle of promo for the new song but if you had a spare few hours, maybe we could go see Benny Blanco next week? He's in town working with Mark, so I thought he could help us with Señorita? It's up to you..." she finished quietly, having started the sentence almost hesitantly, like she was forcing herself to say the words.

Eventually I found my voice, shaky and uncertain I said, "I just want to know if you're ok first."
She was quiet for a while then said, "Yes Shawn, I'm ok. I'll be just fine." She qualified. I let out a shaky breath.
"Ok, I can be back in LA next week for a few days, shall we meet at the studio? Want me to call him to confirm?" I couldn't believe we were going into the studio on this, couldn't believe we were going to be together.
"No it's ok, I'll call him and sort it." She said quickly. Then a small moment of silence before she said, "Just... just bring your A-game Mendes, I'm going to need it." She finally admitted, trying to make a joke out of what sounded like a lot of hurt.
"Camila, I'm still really worried about you." I finally responded, I had no idea what else to do.
She sighed, "I'm really looking forward to seeing you next week, I'll text you the details. See you soon Canada." And then she hung up, leaving me shaky, this was not a good start to a collaboration effort.

- 

A week later, I was sitting in the recording studio in LA which Camila had told me to go to. Andrew and my team were with me, shuffling around. She was 15 minutes late. I'd already briefed Benny on the inspiration for the song, the Havana-craze having fuelled the Spanish melody and Ali having added the sexier lines to accompany that style, something Camila was more confident with than me, but it was time I pushed my lyrics a bit anyway. He was excited, already playing with a couple of sounds on the mixer when Camila's manager, Roger, rushed into the recording studio. I shot up from my seat, but he went straight over to Andrew instead, talking in hushed, serious tones. My stomach was in knots, was she still coming? Roger's nervous look in my direction put me on edge, I had to get outside, had to get some fresh air.

I rushed from the studio into the hallway and found Sinu and Camila walking towards me. Sinu was holding Camila's hand tightly and Camila had sunglasses on, her head down.
"Mila?" I croaked out. She looked up and made a little noise then ran the last few steps towards me before flinging her arms around my waist and burying her head in my chest. My arms wrapped around her tiny frame protectively. I looked at Sinu for answers, but she also had tears in her eyes.

Camila was still crying into my chest when Andrew and Roger came out of the studio.
"Keep Benny and the team busy, we'll be back in an hour." I instructed them, leaving no room for them to ask questions. They only had to look at Camila, still curled into me to know that they weren't getting any good stuff out of her for a while. Andrew nodded and went back in, whilst Roger took Sinu by the hand and led her into the studio. After a couple of minutes alone in the hallway, I lifted Camila's chin and whispered, "Let's get out of here."