Lyrics

Memories - Camila

I'd thrown myself into work when Shawn left, forcing myself to let all the emotions out during my recording sessions and events.

Every morning I would wake up and force myself to stay in LA, not to get on a plane and head to whichever city he was performing in. I had to keep working, keep rehearsing, keep creating because that's what our lives were. As much as I wanted to be with him and to see if we could make this work, I couldn't deny that I was terrified of what we could become and how it would change us. How we would have to work so hard to not let the world around bombard us with their opinions. I'd always known I was emotional and anxious, but the last few weeks had been some of the toughest I'd ever been through.

Until I heard from Sam and Connor one night. Only a few days after I'd seen them in LA for the music video, they called me from Portland, where they were helping Shawn prep for the start of his North American tour. They'd both been at the music video shoot and had a bunch of assets, videos, photos – the lot, that they wanted me to see.

"Camila, this shit is so good, someone deserves to ogle at them! Shawn refuses to look, I think it makes him sick with want..." Sam joked, making me go bright red in the process.
"Yeah and we've had some ideas for the launch of the video and stuff that we thought you'd like..." Connor added on the phone, sounding nervous but excited either way.
I laughed, feeling happy at his energy, his enthusiasm. "Sure, I'm super happy for you to be involved, you guys have got incredible vision. Send it all over!" I gushed, looking forward to seeing it all and getting them involved. They were both important to Shawn, which meant it was important to me that we got on.

Then I saw the materials they'd talked about and my heart flat out stopped beating. I became a hotbed of feelings; no wonder Shawn couldn't look at them. Sam's photoshoot of Shawn and I throughout the shoot made my stomach do backflips. Connor's ideas for the launch posters and teasers were gorgeous. I called them back within ten minutes – having spent eight of them just trying to calm myself and act cool. It all failed as soon as they answered the phone.

"YEESSSS!" I screamed down the phone at them. They both burst out laughing but then started making 'shhh' noises...
"Shawn's in the room next door. He's a bit sensitive about all this so we may have to keep it a secret for now... but we knew you'd like the shots!" Sam explained, laughing quietly.
"We're game whenever you are Mamacita!" Connor added, I could already imagine his cocky wink in response.
I laughed, feeling like this was exactly what I wanted, what I needed. "I've got a plan. We'll keep it secret, but can you get Andrew on board?" I teased, before explaining to them what I wanted to do.
A few days after that, I'd got a call from Roger about the V magazine shoot and I knew it would be the perfect way to get Shawn back on LA turf for my plan. I called Andrew as soon as I was off the phone to Shawn to arrange with him to send Sam and Connor with Shawn to LA.

They landed the morning of the shoot and Shawn texted me to say he was heading straight to the studio location instead of going to his apartment first.

'Perfect, see you there <3' I responded over text. I then immediately text Sam and Connor after that, 'My mom has the box – she'll deliver to you. Here's the final visuals, can you get it all set up for our return?' I typed quickly, sending the files. I was already late for the shoot, the anticipation killing me.
'You got it Mamacita' Connor replied, I laughed and then realised - this was it, I was seeing Shawn for the first time since our night together, since filming Señorita.

I'd spent the last week and a half longing for him; emotionally and physically. Imagining him as we were that night. It had inspired a new song of mine too; 'Shameless'. I knew that I'd been elusive with him, not talking too much about us where I could help it. I was still trying to work through the last of my anxieties and worries about it, but hopefully this shoot would help give me the confidence I needed for the next step.

As I walked towards to the studio from the car, my stomach was in knots, my fingers felt cold and I was nauseas with nerves. I walked into the building, lifting my sunglasses as I stepped inside. Then I saw him, casually leaning against the wall, waiting for me. The air left my lungs completely. He was gorgeous, all 6 foot 2 of him; absentmindedly playing with his rings, his curls hanging over his eyes slightly, his shirt open at the top, revealing his strong chest.
I stopped and just stared at him for a while, my mouth dry. I could feel the nervous tension, the undeniable attraction fizzing between us. I couldn't form any words, couldn't find the right ones to say...