𝐒𝐇𝐀𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐒 // 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑 [𝟏]

Chapter 18

I wandered around the empty corridors. Being dinner time no one was out here. Except for me.

I could not stop thinking about the letter. I'm not ready to get a dark mark. I don't even want one.

It's been a week since I found out about it. Since I got a letter. I've noticed I've gotten thinner from skipping out on so many meals. I'm not oblivious to it. Every time I try to eat I vomit it back up again.

What infuriates me the most is that I know why. Stress. I know I'm stressed out. I know why I'm stressed out. The damn letter. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know what to do about it either.

I can't say no. My parents will force me to get it anyway. No ways am I just going to get it. I'm not ready for that. My plans are ruined. I just wanted to get out of school and then I can refuse the mark. My parents can't control me then.

I can't even do what Narcissa's doing. She's not getting the dark mark but she's supporting him. Him. The Dark Lord. I hate him. He's the cause of all these problems. Murdering mudbloods is not the answer. I don't like them but they shouldn't be killed for it. At least just not accepted into our schools.

Muggles have done so much bad. The Salem witch hunts. They hunted and killed so many witches. And allowing muggleborns to know about us gives them the opportunity to find and kill us all over again.

I have no idea what to do.

I haven't even told Narcissa about any of this. I don't know why though. I usually tell her everything. I want to tell her but it never feels like the right time.

Besides I'm seeing less and less of her lately. She's been spending far too much time with my brother.

Back in the common room I find I'm not alone. James is back. At least he's alone when I walk in. I don't know if I can deal with all four Marauders at once.

I walk straight to my room hoping to avoid conversation, but he stops me.

"Alivia." He calls. I stop and turn around.

"Yes, James?" I answer.

He pats the seat next to him. I sigh but move to sit next to him anyway.

He opens his mouth to speak but closes it again. Finally he speaks, "I've noticed you've been skipping meals." He looks at me.

I look away before replying. "It's not of your concern."

He takes a deep breathe and fiddles with his fingers. "It is. You're one of my friends. If you're not eating I want to know why."

"I'm not one of your friends." I didn't mean that. I saw the look of hurt in his eyes. I didn't mean it. I want to say sorry but I don't.

"Colleagues then, or whatever you want to call it. You should be eating. You've helped Remus so much and if I can help you I would in a heartbeat. We owe it to you at least." He said.

"Thank you, but I'm fine." I do it again. What I've been trained to do and absolutely despise doing. Hiding my emotions. It's a defence mechanism. I don't mean to, it just happens. I hate it because it reminds me of who my parents forced me to become. I hate that version of me.

I get up and walk back to my room. I stop and the door and turn to say goodnight to James but he's already gone.

Class the next day is terrible. I know I failed the potions test. It was a simple class test on some herbs and potion ingredients. I could've aced it. I was too busy thinking about last night though.

James has been avoiding eye contact. In potions he didn't even acknowledge my existence. I mean I deserve it. I literally told him we weren't friends.

We're not. We aren't friends. We barely know each other.

I couldn't ignore the voice in the back of my head telling me that I wish we were though.

I ignored it.

My parents are going to be so mad when they hear about my marks for this test. Such an easy one too. I'm pretty sure even Black got higher than me, and he's crap at potions.

Lunch time rolled around and I decided I'd eat. I kept telling myself it was because I needed to eat but I knew it was just to spite James. To show him I'm okay.

I sat at the Slytherin table with Narcissa. She was going on about something she learnt in Care of Magical Creatures.

I made eye contact with James just to make sure he knew I was eating. To prove to him I'm capable of taking care of myself. He sort of looked relieved but he looked away before I could really tell.

"So why haven't you been at meals, sis?" I was drawn from my thoughts by Lucius' obnoxiously loud voice.

"I've been busy Lucy." I smiled sarcastically and rolled my eyes.

"I've been worried about you, we all have." I looked around and saw Narcissa, Severus, and Regulus were all looking at me.

"I'm fine Lucius. I don't need you to constantly look after me. I'm capable of looking after myself." Before anyone could reply I got up and walked out of the Great Hall.

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Another chapter done. I hope it's up to standard and I hope you guys enjoy it.

Hopefully I'll be able to keep up the streak of updating. There's still plenty more chapters to go. It's going to be a long journey and I'm happy people have actually read my story. I know it's not the best but I'm glad people like it. It really motivates me to continue.

I never thought I'd get to 2k reads!! I'm so happy and thankful for the support. I love you all <3

- mysticpanda xx