Not Important

Arguments and Confessions

After lunch, we all go our separate ways to class. Unfortunately, I have James in my class. And, even worse, he sits right next to me. He could have sat two rows across and further up. But no. Matt walks in. Matt is in this class? He sits in the only other seat, two rows across and further up. The lesson starts, and we end up answering questions that are on our papers.
"Devon", a voice says from next to me.
Everyone is allowed to talk, as the teacher is a nice one for once. But, I don't appreciate the kindness right now.

He keeps saying my name until I turn to glare at him.
"What?", I snap.
"I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn't get too comfortable with Mark. It won't last. Anyway, you aren't his type", James says, and I feel like punching him now. But, if I do, dad will have to come in and he's probably drunk. Then, I will end up in an orphanage or something because dad is too 'unstable' to look after me. So I don't punch him. Not now. Maybe later, out of school, and somewhere where no one will see. Like in an alley, or behind the bins outside of Starbucks. No one will check there. Listen to me! It sounds like I'm going to murder him now!

If only...

"What do you mean I'm 'not his type'?", I ask James.
"Well, Mark goes for brunettes. And you are obviously blonde. He likes girls that have manners, and aren't gothic, or Emo. You are not any of them", James explains, making me feel like hurting him. I look to the window on my left, thinking about throwing him out of it.

Maybe some other time.

"For your information, I have manners, I am not a goth, nor am I an Emo", I tell him through gritted teeth.
"Oh. Are you sure? I didn't think you were much of a goth, but I was sure that you were an Emo", James says, tapping his chin with his index finger in thought.
"I'm not an Emo! I have no reason to be one", I tell him.
"Really? Because I think you do", James says, sounding like he cares, but I know it's all an act.
"What's that supposed to mean?", I ask him.
"Oh, you know. Your brother left, and so did your mom. And, I bet you have daddy issues. Don't you?", James says, knowing that he getting on my last nerves.

He can't be any closer to the truth, and I hate it. I hate how right he is.
"I bet your daddy is upset that everyone has left, except you. He probably blames it all on you, and tries to stay away from you at all costs", James continues. I can feel myself shaking in anger and distress.
"I bet that your dad was the reason why your brother left. Your brother left because your dad was pissing him off, and didn't think of you as being important enough to stay for, or to take you with him", James says, and I can feel the water behind my eyes. He is absolutely right.

Jay didn't take me with him, and he didn't even care enough to stay for me. He didn't get in contact with me to se if I was okay, and he didn't write or call or anything.

Dad. He does go out a lot. I hardly see him, and I only do when he's too drunk to care. Now that I think of it, he must have been avoiding me. He has hardly been around in the past six years.

"I bet your dad hates you. He's pissed off that you decided to stay with him. He probably wishes that you weren't there, and that you left. Actually, he's probably planning on leaving you by yourself. You've driven everyone away from you. You aren't loved, cared for, or important to anyone", he says, and that's it. I can't take it. I can't sit here and listen to my life being displayed like this for only me to hear. I need to get away. I can't take it. I'm gonna lose it.

I stand up so abruptly that my desk falls to the floor, and everyone looks at me. I look around at everyone, feeling trapped. I hate the stares. I need to get away from James. I look to him, feeling like a deer in a pair of headlights. Then, I turn and run out of the classroom. I don't stop until I reach the music room. But, I can't find my key. I must have left it in my bag. I turn and look around. I run in a random direction, and end up sat on the stairs.