Our Love After Mockingjay

O R D E R S

PEETA POV

Orders of the Capitol Haymitch and Gale are coming we thought we were safe .. We are not in the middle of all this Katniss its having a relapse ..

I only see her as they take her away. Kicking, screaming, panicking, pushing, and fighting against the guards. It's a different Katniss than the one I'm used to. Than the one I saw before. But she's desperate, and alone, and scared, and I know she calls out for Gale.

He just turns away, not allowing himself to see it. I get why he won't. He killed her sister, and right now she's pleading with her wild eyes to kill her too, but he can't. I've known of that promise they made that they would rather die than go through torture. I promised myself the same thing...

The truth, I want to go after her, to comfort her, to hold her while she's in those fucking four walls of a prison. That's one part of me. The other part is confused, completely confused. Because I can't understand why a part of me could care so much for her when all the lies planted in my head seem so real that sometimes I still fall right into them. Or not sometimes. Most of the time. I guess i have to fight with this for all my life i dont see my self being able to do it any time soon..

Thats whats scares me the most .. to be honest

Now shes leaving with haymitch to the capitol and i will be here i don't know if i can handle this alone.

I only see her in a small glimpse from my window as her and Haymitch go board the train that will take them back to the capitol . I don't see her during the weeks because its a ''Secret Mission" but i know shes not kay she doesnt want to be by my side i feel it.

i ask togo with her, even though I didn't know what I would do when I was there. Haymitch said no. Dr. Aurelius said no too, they said I'm not ready. They are right, I'm not ready. And I know I'm not ready. But a part of me wishes to see her.. Not to annoy her with my complicated memories, but just to be there. If I had been allowed to see her, I don't think we would have talked. I don't think I wanted to talk i guess.

There are moments from the past that I remember . Those are just mine. And I know we both let our guard down those nights. I held her, and she kept herself tight to me like we were the only two people helping each other through the shadows. So I know a part of me wanted to confirm those nights. See if they were true, if they felt the same.

To know my mind wasn't playing tricks on me, wasn't making me illusions and feeding me lies just like the rest of my so-called memories. It was a hell in itself. So when my sessions began, I was open. I wanted to know of those nights.

But the part of me that was slowly getting better, felt scared. Scared to leave even though I wanted to run out of here as fast as possible. Scared to have to face a place left in ashes. My home in ashes. And finally, scared to have to see the girl that was there on my mind, like a bird singing a song to recovery. Or at least leading the way to something that felt like recovery.

Yet as the months passed, she was still there. And I was still here. Both faded, but there.