Beautiful Disaster

Ch.36

I felt heavier than ever when I woke up.

I look at Alec's side of the bed and notice it's empty signaling he either left or was downstairs. Grabbing my phone I check the time, seeing it was 10:34.

I take a deep breathe before slowly rolling out of bed. My eyes felt heavy from all the tears I was ready to let go off and my body felt like it had been ran over several times but nothing compared to the physical pain my heart was in.

Nonetheless, I was ready for the campfire tonight. I had to be.

Not bothering to check myself in the mirror I headed downstairs when the smell of pancakes hit my nose. I walked into the kitchen and saw Alec making breakfast but stop when he hears my footsteps.

"Good morning Sugar. Your mom already headed out but she said she'll be back in time for the campfire." He says then kisses my head and grabs two plates.

Nodding, I watch as he places three fluffy pancakes on one plate and two on the other. He then adds eggs and bacon to the one with the two pancakes while only putting bacon on the one with three.

"This is for you. I know how much you hate eggs." He says giving me the plate with three pancakes on it. I mumble a thank you and start to eat. He comes sit next to me on the stool and we eat in silence.

Lifting my head up, I look at the wall near the staircase and glance at the pictures on the wall stopping at a picture of Caleb and I. I stop eating and stare for a while fully aware that Alec is staring at me but not mentally stable enough to care.

Today was the day and although it was my idea I was starting to slightly regret planning anything tonight. I just wanted to stay in my bed all day like I did every year and pretend that this day never existed. I wanted to cry by myself and not have Dina or Alec hounding me as if I would jump off my roof. I wanted to grieve and I wanted to do it privately, like I always did.

I felt a light touch on my hand and I move my eyes to Alec. "Are you okay?" He asks concerned.

"Yeah I'm fine." I say mumbling. Looking at my food I decide I'm not hungry anymore. "I'm not hungry but thank you for breakfast. You can leave and come back later tonight if you want." I shakily smile.

"I'm not leaving you. I'm staying to help prepare everything and to make sure you're okay. You're not getting rid of me that fast." He says grabbing my hand. "Jesus you're hands are shaking. Why don't you go upstairs and I'll take care of the plates and stuff."

Any other day I would make a comment on how I could easily take care of the plates and myself but at this moment I didn't have the energy to fight with him. So I just nodded and made my way upstairs.

Once in my room I lay down and pull the pictures of Caleb and I out of my draws. I stared at them and ran my thumbs over the picture I see a teardrop fall down my face and on his face in the picture. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you like you always protected me." I whisper before placing the photos on my desk and drifting off to sleep.

By the time I woke up it was already 6 and we had to start preparing the house. Dina was in the backyard setting up the little blankets we were all going to sit on and my mom still wasn't home yet. According to Dina, Alec had stepped out to go pick up some snacks from a list Dina gave him.

After taking a shower and getting dressed I found my way downstairs where I find Dina and my mom laughing. I walked up to them which caused them to turn around hearing my footsteps. Once I made eye contact with my mom I noticed her giving me a gentle worried face.

I'd be the first to admit that even after my shower I couldn't deny that I still looked and felt like crap. My eyes were still puffy and my nose was red after constantly blowing it.