Beautiful Disaster

Ch.30

After my shower Alec had applied lotion to my legs, arms, and stomach then helped me get dressed.

On a regular day I probably would've freaked out by the thought of him just touching me and even though I had flinched a few times when his hands would caress the top of my thigh, I couldn't even find it within myself to push him away.

It felt nice to have someone, more so specifically him, taking care of me during my current state. We were currently laying down on the bed.

He had on a sweatshirt with his schools logo and plaid pajama pants and I the same but the sweatshirt was green while his was navy blue.

I laid my head on his chest while he rubbed circles on my back. The only sound filling the room was our breathing until he decided to speak.

"Your mom told me about the conversation you guys had." Taking a deep breathe I close my eyes.

"I already feel like crap about it so please if you're going to tell me I shouldn't have said something then don't."

"Sugarplum look at me," he says making me turn my head toward him "I wasn't going to make you feel bad okay? I know if you were feeling better you wouldn't have reacted like that. I don't know the details but I do know she suggested you go see your dad."

"She thinks whatever I'm feeling is connected to him." I say lowly.

"And what do you think?" He asks.

Furrowing my eyebrows I look at his chest and after a moment of silence I finally say something I haven't said out loud in years. "I miss him."

"He's your father Sugarplum it's okay to miss him." He says lifting my head up to look in my eyes.

"No it's not. Under different circumstances then sure of course but we're talking about the father who threw one family away for another. It's not okay to miss him because that's like betraying my mom."

"There aren't any sides in this. They are both your parents and your mom is the one encouraging you to go see him so I doubt she'd be upset. If you miss him then go see him. Trust me one day he'll be gone and you'll regret not taking this chance." He says with a stern face and the feeling of guilt multiples by 10.

"I'm sorry. I know you lost your father and I'm sitting here complaining about mine. I'm so selfish. I'm so sorry." I start pushing away from him but he stops and pulls me in tighter.

"Stop apologizing it's okay. When I lost my father I remembered every chance I got to hang out with him that I didn't take and I hated myself for a pretty long time. When he died it was like my whole world stopped so go see your father okay? I'll even come with you if it helps."

"Thank you." I say. "What was he like? Your father I mean. I know he can do some pretty great construction and his love for forensics but other than that I don't know much." I say lifting my head to look at him.

As he stares at the ceiling I see him smile. "He was a wonderful man. He was kind too and I'm not just saying that because he was my father. He helped anybody he could and tried to make a difference even if it was the slightest way possible." Grabbing his hand I intertwined our fingers.

"What happened to him if you don't mind me asking?"

"Car accident." He says lowly. "My father always had problems with his heart from when he was younger but as he got older his body's power to stay healthy started deteriorating. One day he had a car accident and that triggered a heart attack." I could tell there was more he wanted to say but I didn't want to push him. "I have his eyes and for so long I hated staring in the mirror because it just reminded me that I would never be half the man he is."