Slave to the Scale

Chapter 1

Book trailer up there ^^

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Worldwide Handsome. That's how people knew him. The smiling eldest of Bangtan, who blew kisses at people and praised his looks at every given opportunity.

People called him a narcissist. The members called him that sometimes jokingly as well. It was okay. Jin usually laughed right along with them. All good fun.

But he had his fair share of insecurities as well. He had his times when he felt he just wasn't enough no matter what he did. His face, his hands, his body, his abilities, everything could be improved. Jin tried to be gentle towards himself. But that strategy failed often.

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Perfection doesn't come easily to anybody, Jin reassured himself silently as he stared at himself in the mirror.

But then why did Yoongi have a perfect body? Why did Hoseok pick up a dance perfectly in ten minutes? Why did Jimin and Jungkook hit those high notes perfectly?

He knew, really he did. He knew to not compare himself to people, because everybody had their own strengths and weaknesses. What some people couldn't grasp was that Jin was an idol. His job was to sing, dance and keep in shape. If he couldn't do those things, he didn't need to do anything, the public would criticize him as much as they felt like. It was the sad reality of idol life.

People think that being an idol means an extravagant, luxurious lifestyle, full of expensive clothes and fat paychecks. And it was like that sometimes. But there was more than that. It also involved countless hours spent practicing, then recording song parts and then finally wiping the sweat off as the choreography is nailed and the right notes are hit or the correct flow mastered. In the end, all that hard work goes down the drain while reading the comments online made by people who wrote them in a matter of minutes.

It was strange. A song takes weeks or maybe even months to make, but people could destroy its reputation in mere minutes.

It was the same with his confidence. Most of the time it took so long for him to be able to be proud of his work, to feel that he did a good job, but that one wrong comment sent him spiraling down into the depths of self-doubt.

For Jin, that happened more often than not.

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"You'll learn the new choreo tomorrow. Good job everybody!" The choreographer said with a big smile on his face.

Hoseok cheered.

Jin put on a big smile for the younger members who flocked to him in their excitement. Taehyung's hair bounced lightly as he "tagged" Jimin and off they went running after each other.

Namjoon and Yoongi didn't look as excited, but they must have been happier than Jin was. After all, they wrote and produced the song, wouldn't they be proud of finally learning the dance moves to it? Everybody had their position. Which left Jin like an overgrown weed at the back, because he had practically no hand in making the song at all.

That wasn't true, Hoseok said all the time. You're our mood-maker, the one who keeps us happy, the one we can talk to if anything goes wrong, the dancer said when Jin spoke about his feelings that one time. At the time, Jin was touched. Now he wasn't anymore. Couldn't you listen to a song to lift your mood, watch a movie to make you happy and talk to a therapist if something went wrong?

So what was Jin's role?

He always felt a little unwanted. It had nagged him ever since he had joined the group. Ever since he had been given the title of "visual" and told that he was the "pretty one". Jin couldn't sing or dance, but at least he was pretty! Too bad that he wasn't even known for his looks now. No, that had been snatched up by the others too.

Jungkook clung onto Jin's arm. His eyes were filled with joy. He was probably going to get lots of center time, lines, and the whole fandom would love to see him perform. He was the favourite, Jin knew that. Jungkook loved to dance and perform. Jin made a funny face at him and Jungkook started giggling. Yoongi, who was watching them, scoffed and rolled his eyes.

The mood-maker, Jin thought.

Jungkook lightly hit Jin's arm. "Hyung, aren't you excited to learn the new dance?"

"Of course I am!" Jin said. Sure, he was excited. He always felt scared when a new dance was coming up. He never failed to make a fool of himself whenever it happened. Ha... really, he had been an idol for so long. He really should be better at picking up choreographies. But, even so, he was excited to see what the dance was like.

Jungkook grinned, showing his teeth. "Hoseok hyung said that you might have a solo part!"

"Oh really?"

"Yeah!"

Damn, why now?

Jungkook ran off to go talk to Namjoon. Jin stayed by himself, overthinking everything. Everyone else looked so happy and cheerful. He was too, don't get him wrong. It's just... he was a bit worried.

Hoseok was acting all happy now. Then when dance practice started, the only thing you would hear was him ranting about the number of mistakes they were making. All you would see was Hoseok demonstrating the moves that they couldn't do, perfectly.

"Let's take it one step at a time," Hoseok's voice would boom out over the exhausted breathing. How he had enough energy to yell after all that dancing, Jin would never understand. "Pah pah pah . . ."

The loud counting would drill into Jin's ears. Hoseok would be right as usual. Jin would get everything wrong and he would get yelled at. The others would stifle their giggles at his awkward dance moves and he would pretend that he never saw nor heard. It was okay. Everything was okay.

He caught Taehyung's eye and smiled. Comeback season was hard, but he would get through it. Jin had always done it. He vowed to enjoy himself as much as he could.

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Welcome to my brand new Jincentric angst book where you can cry (or laugh) while reading.

1047 words