JiMina Collection

More Than Gold ~ Part 22

     Mina was conflicted. What had she been thinking? The problem was: she hadn't. In that moment outside her chambers, it seemed so right, so easy to lean in. She had lost all common sense and it was terrifying. However, that wasn't what was most frightening. What scared her most of all was that it was possible Jimin had been leaning in as well.

    This wasn't supposed to happen. Any of it. She wondered if she would change it all if she could go back in time. If she could pretend it never happened. But, as much as she didn't want it to be true, it had happened. 

     Who was she to do that? She and Jimin were supposed to lead completely separate lives. A prince and a lowlife like her? Their paths should never cross. She couldn't go about messing around. And so, Mina desperately resorted to avoiding him. Completely.

     Of course she felt bad, but it wasn't as though they had time to meet up nowadays. She would constantly feel his gaze upon her, even if she acted as though she never noticed.  Despite this, Mina thought she was doing quite a good job at keeping a low profile. Here she was at the dinner table; sticking out like a sore thumb amongst the wealthy women beside her, and yet simultaneously blending into her surroundings, becoming invisible. She kept her eyes focused on the meal, never straying from her plate and especially never looking to the right, where she knew Jimin was sitting at the far end of the table. 

     At dinner's end, she left her seat as quickly as she could, leaving the dining hall before Jimin could even get to his feet. Mina streamlined her way to her chambers and closed the door behind her. She knew that complete avoidance was likely foolish and rather impossible, but she was frightened. Mina had never been in any situation such as this; she hadn't a clue what to do. She was a logical thinker, and so to her it was natural to do some research. In her free time, she snuck off to the library to take out some books, for she knew Jimin had lessons and gatherings to attend and wouldn't be able to find her. Mina found every book on the subject of Love - it even felt terrifying to acknowledge that was what she was feeling. She was even more terrified to discover that the things she experienced perfectly matched the descriptions written in each book she laid her hands on. 

    Yet, no matter how hard she looked, she found nothing on how to get rid of those feelings. Every book detailed on the wonderful phenomena that was Love, illustrating how truly beautiful it was. Mina disagreed. Right now, she felt no euphoria, no 'sense of completion', no joy. All she felt was fear. And so she kept running. Hiding away. All alone, just as she had always been.

     Closing yet another novel she had taken out of the library, Mina surveyed her surroundings. Her chambers were as immaculate as ever, yet in the mirror she could see her tired state. It was high time she washed up and called it a night. Mina drew a bath and absentmindedly hummed to herself. Singing always calmed her nerves, but it was only now that she realized just how many songs were about love. Instead of singing lyrics she kept her mouth closed and lost herself in the melodies flitting through her mind. Anything to distract her.

     Mina prepared herself for a night of slumber, but the sight of the balcony window seemed to taunt her. It summed up the conflict constantly battling in her head, her inner turmoil displayed for anyone to examine. Mina stepped out into the crisp night-time air, still singing softly to herself. Is this what she wanted? Will she always be running away? Will she never find a place that felt like a home? Like she belonged? They say 'home is where the heart is', but Mina had never understood that. Home should be where she felt most comfortable. The sad part was, Mina had never found 'home'. She knew nothing of her parents. The orphanage had been torture. She'd spent the rest of the life thus far hopping from village to village in search of work. She would do the same for the rest of her life. It wasn't a pleasant prospect, but that was where she belonged.