ENVY | SDS Present ✔ (TO BE EDITED)

Chapter 35

Mag-dadalawang buwan na ang lumipas mula nang mangyari ang pambababoy sa akin ni Nigel. Napaka-imposible man dahil sa maraming beses na binaboy ako ni Nigel ay dinatnan ako ng buwanang dalaw ko at kung nabuntis man ako ay hindi ko na kakayaning mabuhay pa. Isang linggo rin akong nagpagaling sa ospital and how I wished the doctors had also mended my broken soul.

Caius never left my side and I was hoping he would because I don't know how to face him. Nandidiri ako sa sarili ko at hindi ko alam paano nakakayanan ni Caius na harapin ako.

I never talked to anyone kahit pa sa psychologist na bumibisita sa akin sa ospital at sa bahay. She always say that I can move on and go on with my life because I have a good support system but I know to myself that it is impossible. Nasasabi lang nila iyon kasi hindi nila naranasan yung sakit, takot at pandidiri habang paulit-ulit akong binabababoy.

I resigned already dahil hindi ko na kakayanin pang humarap sa maraming tao dahil sa nangyari sa akin. Nigel always hunt me in my sleep and even when I'm awake. Sometimes I hear his laugh and sometimes, I feel like he is still inside me. Caius always say to me that he is gone and can no longer hurt me. Hindi ko alam paano nya nalaman na sya ang bumaboy sa akin at kung totoo man ang sinabi nya ay wala akong maramdaman na saya. Kahit wala na sya ay palagi pa rin nya akong minumulto.

Hindi ko na rin nakita pa si Athena. Caius said they went to Davao and will permanently live there. Sabi din nya na dadalawin daw ako ni Daddy kapag nagkaroon na sya ng lakas ng loob para harapin ako. I don't care anymore because I don't even have the will to live.

"Hi."

I glanced at Danae when she entered my room. Hindi ko sya pinansin at nanatili lang na nakatingin sa mga picture frames sa bookcase na nasa harapan ng kama ko.

She sat in my side and when she touched my hand, I flinched and put it in my lap. No one can touch me dahil bigla na lang akong nagugulat, umiiyak o nagwawala. Minsan kapag sumosobra na ang pagwawala ko ay tinuturukan na lang ako ni Caius o kaya ng private nurse ko ng pampatulog and I really want it because then, I will have a dreamless sleep. I heard her sigh but still, I didn't looked at her.

"Guess what? I'm having a baby girl!" Danae squealed but I just glanced at her then to her growing tummy.

"Alam kong kahit hindi sabihin ni Xavier ay masaya pa rin sya at babae ang anak namin. Excited na talaga akong lumabas sya kasi you know, ii-spoil ko sya ng bongga. We will dress her up and all tapos malay mo, maging model din sya gaya ng Ninang Finn nya." Masaya nyang sabi pero hindi pa rin ako umimik.

Isang beses kada linggo mula nang ma-discharge ako ay dumadalaw dito si Danae. She always update me about her pregnancy even though I am not responding to her. I know she is only doing this to make me forget my situation but I think nothing can. Not her pregnancy. Not a therapy. Not Lola Sol and Kitty and certainly not Caius.

"I really want her to be a model. You know just like you kase syempre automatic na maganda ang anak ko." Sabi nya sabay tawa.

The words she said made me remember that day. I was raped because of being a model. And then I imagined Danae's daughter in my situation. Anger rose in my system and I glared at Danae thinking that she is Nigel.

She stopped and quickly stood while holding her tummy. Kinuha ko ang baso sa bedside table ko at binato iyon sa kanya and since I'm weak ay hindi ito umabot sa pwesto nya.

"Layuan mo ako! Hayop ka. Tama na! Ayoko na!" Sigaw ko habang binabato ang mga unan ko sa kanya.

"Finn! Ako to, si Danae. Finn!" She pleaded but I continued in throwing her things.

Someone shielded her from me tapos ay may yumakap naman sa akin kaya hindi na ako naka-galaw pa. Umiiyak akong nagpumiglas sa hawak ng kung sino man iyon.