paulson one shots

a place for everyone // cordelia x reader

a/n: this is something i wrote for me personally and i know that no one else will relate to, but i guess the feeling needed to get out.

Cordelia stood worried, a few feet from you as you sat on the ground in the dining room, curled into yourself, hands over your ears, sobbing. You weren't speaking and when Cordelia tried to touch you, you physically pushed her away.

She didn't know what to do other than make everyone else go away. So she made everyone leave the table and go upstairs to their respective rooms.

It was just you and Cordelia now. Cordelia had not idea what had happened. One second you were fine in your seat down the table from her and the second you had pushed your chair out from under you and collapsed to the floor in tears, begging everyone to go away repeatedly.

It worried her immensely and it crushed her soul that all she could do was stand a few feet from you and wait for you to be calm enough to speak.

Cordelia waiter and listened as your sobs subsided and your rocking stopped and you pulled your hands from over your ears. You stayed with your knees pulled up to your chest but let your head lay on them now, breathing deeply.

"Y/n?" Cordelia crouched in front of you. "Are you able to speak?" You lifted your head slightly to see her worried face, which only made you quickly bury your head back into your knees.

You heard a soft sigh. "I just need to know what happened sweetheart, so I can help you. But i'm not going to pressure you to speak. Whenever your ready is okay, but can we please move from the dining room floor?" She asked you in the softest voice you'd ever heard her use to anyone so you looked up to her and nodded.

"Do you need help standing?" She held a hand out and you grabbed it, letting her help you up. You immediately let go of her once you were steady on your feet and bolted from the dining room upstairs to your bedroom. "Y/n!" You heard Cordelia gasp when you bolted but you needed to get away so you didn't look back and locked your door behind you.

Your breathing was still unsteady as you paced around your room, your eyes stinging from the tears and your brain going a million miles an hour. How in the hell were you supposed to explain this to Cordelia? You hadn't told her you were autistic yet and had withheld any public meltdowns up until this moment.

You knew it would happen soon. It was exhausting masking day in and out until you were alone in your room. You barely got any sleep. You had only been at the academy for a few months now, and you just knew that you had blown it now.

There was no way Cordelia would let a disabled witch stay in the coven. You were too weak to be apart of something this important. You had no control over the way you reacted to certain situations and no one wants to deal with a hazard like that. At least, that's what you told yourself.

You heard a knock at your door and Cordelia's voice from the other side. "Y/n sweetheart, I just want to make sure you're okay. I didn't expect you to run off like that." You continuing pacing around your room.

"Y/n please let me know that you're alright." Cordelia's voice was heard again and you huffed loudly. You would talk to her if you could! Why did your brain have to be so stupid?

You walked to the door and unlocked it, swinging it open. Cordelia gasped at the sudden movement and you froze in the doorway. Come on. Two words is all you had to force out. You can do it. "I-i'm fine." Thank god.

"Okay... well I'd like to speak with you later, perhaps tomorrow? You should rest y/n." Cordelia was careful with her words, her hands clasped in front of her. You nodded "Sleep, yes." And shut the door again.

"Goodnight y/n." You heard Cordelia's voice echo again in the hallway and you sighed as you walked over to your bed. You laid on top of the covers, too exhausted to change into pajamas or get under the covers. You fell asleep within minutes, something that typically wasn't easy for you to do.

***

"Y/n?" You opened your eyes to Cordelia standing next to your bed. You gasped at her close proximity as sat up. "Sorry to startle you. You weren't at breakfast, or morning meeting, or your first class of the day so I came to check on you and low and behold you were still fast asleep."

You rubbed your eyes as you tried to fully awaken. "I'm sorry." Were the first words to slip from your lips as you looked to Cordelia for the first time. Her face contorted in what you presumed was confusion based on your observations of her different facial expressions throughout your stay so far.

"Sorry?" She raised a brow and you nodded. "For yesterday evening." You looked to your lap now, noticing that you were still in yesterday's clothes.

"Do you still want to talk about that?" You asked. "Yes, I would but only out of concern for your safety. I don't want you to think you are in any sort of trouble or need for reprimandment." She stated and your nerves were somewhat calmed.

"Can you tell me what happened?" Cordelia had grabbed the chair from in front of your vanity and dragged it beside your bed, sitting in front of you.

"The noise was too much." You confessed and a look of confusion crossed her face again. "The noise?" she asked and you nodded. "The noise of dinner. I'm so mad at myself. It's been months and I haven't broken down like that. I don't know what happened. Maybe just an accumulation of everything and it was just the tipping point." You expressed your annoyance with your actions.

"I'm still confused y/n. The noise of dinner caused you to break down that badly?" She asked and you quickly looked away from her, seeing her face in what usually meant disappointment.

"I- well. I should've told you in my application." You confessed. "Should have told me what, y/n?" Cordelia was worried now. She didn't know what you could've possibly withheld from her.

"Well I- I am, um. I'm autistic? Like... on the spectrum. I'm sorry I should've told you in the application and I can have my stuff packed right away I know there's no place for a disabled witch like me-" Cordelia cut you off.

"Y/n. Listen to me." You looked at her. "You're right. I wish you would have told me sooner. But only so that I could properly adjust to your needs. I've been blind, twice. If there wasn't a place for a disabled witch, I would've been kicked out years ago y/n. There is a loving place for every one of you girls and for you to think that I would kick you out for something like that? That you can't control? That's just a part of you worth loving like every other part? Is simply heartbreaking darling." Cordelia finished her speech, wiping a stray tear from her eye.

You were speechless, unable to from the right words. "We'll talk again, okay? But it'll be formal. A meeting of sorts. We'll discuss your needs and how to prevent breakdowns like that in the future, and what to do when they do inevitably occur." She stated, standing from the chair and pushing it back to your vanity.

"Take some time to rest. I'll be back up later to check on you, okay?" She said and you nodded. "Miss Cordelia?" You said shyly as she began to walk away. She turned back to you. "Yes, y/n?"

"Could I have a hug?" You looked down at your lap, staring at your folded hands as the words left your mouth, instantly regretting them.

Soon however, you were engulfed in Cordelia's bear hug. "Of course you can."

a/n: not edited. again, this is kinda something just for me to get some feelings out.