Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 6

"You should feel special," I said, plopping down on Billie's bed. "This is the only place I'm allowed to go besides home and school."

"Really? Why?"

"You've tricked my mom into thinking that you're a good influence."

She held a hand over her heart as if I'd offended her. "I am."

"Whatever."

"So, did you at least win the fight? Looks like she got your eye pretty good." She set a hand on my cheek, running her thumb over my bruised skin as she examined it, and I could only hope that she couldn't feel the best rising to my cheeks at the contact.

"I'd say."

Billie nodded, removing her hand. "What was it over?"

I swallowed as I thought back to it. I guess she was right. The only reason I was so mad was because it was kind of true. Andrew was gay. And so am I. "Alex was telling everybody that I'm gay—which, I'm definitely not. And they were talking about how I'm weird and it's expected because I dress weird and shit. Then she pushed me away from her and told me to stop trying to kiss her, so I punched her and we started fighting." I didn't want to tell her about Andrew. I didn't feel like talking about it and I didn't want her pity.

"It'd be okay if you were gay, you know. You don't have to get so defensive. It's not a bad thing."

"That's not true," I mumbled.

Her eyebrows knitted together. "What's not true?"

"Nothing. I'm not gay. That's all."

She nodded, looking down as the atmosphere became awkward.

I didn't want her to know that I liked girls because if I told her, at some point I'd have to tell my mom. If I just kept it to myself then I wouldn't have to tell anybody. It made it feel less real. What if she was just trying to squeeze it out of me? What if she actually didn't like gay people and now she was suspicious so she was trying to get it out of me in whatever way possible? I didn't want to be treated the way people treated Andrew. That didn't get him anywhere good.

"Wanna watch a movie?" she asked.

"Sure."

"Got anything in mind?"

I shook my head. "No. You can pick."

"Cool. I got a good one. You like horror movies?"

"Oh, God. No."

"Sucks to suck. You better scoot in close." She laughed typing Insidious into the search bar and clicking play. I grabbed a pillow, squeezing it and hiding my face in it every time something scary happened.

Billie snatched the pillow. "Stop abusing my pillows, bitch."

"No. What an idiot... he better not go in th—" I hid my face in Billie's arm, peeking out a little to see what was happening. "This dumb fuck..."

"Aw," Billie teased, wrapping her arms around me. "Does the little baby need me to hold her?"

"Stop," I whined. She just laughed and rested her head on top of mine, her arms still wrapped loosely around me. I closed my eyes, taking in every moment of this because I knew it wouldn't last long. I felt a little guilty for enjoying it so much. I knew it was just a friendly thing but I couldn't help it.

Despite my previous beliefs, Billie kept her arms around me for the rest of the movie. As the credits rolled, Billie shook me. "You awake?"

I nodded and sat up. "What time is it?"

"6:12."

"I gotta go home."

"Want a ride?" she asked.

"No. I'm just gonna walk."

"Come on, dude." She threw her head back in annoyance. "You never let me. Just let me be a good person."

"I—uh... okay. You can give me a ride."

"Cool. Let's go." She grabbed her keys and we got in her car. "Just show me which way to go."

"Okay."

"It's small and... raggedy." I pointed in front of us, letting her know to keep going straight.

"I don't care what it looks like. I care that you get to it safely. You don't have to be embarrassed about stuff like that with me. I don't care. I just want to hang out with you. I'm not worried about how many shoes you have or what your house looks like so don't worry about that, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay." Soon enough, she pulled up in front of my house. "Thanks for the ride."

"You're welcome." She smiled and leaned over the middle console, giving me a hug. I got out of the car and went inside.

"Mm-hm," I heard my mom say from her room. "I love you too. We're about to be on our way."

"Who was that?" I asked.

"Don't be mad." She held out her hands cautiously.

I bit the inside of my cheek, tilting my head as I waited for her to continue.

"David."

"What? Why are you talking to him?"

"Okay. Listen, I have an idea."

I leaned against the door frame, raising my eyebrows. "What is it?"

"If I date him again, I can get her back."

I pinched the bridge of my nose, shaking my head. "That's not gonna end well."

"It's worth a try. Get in the car. We have to go."

"To their house?"

"Yeah." She grabbed her keys and I sighed, following her outside. We drove for about ten minutes until we made it to their house. I hated it there. There were way too many people. It was a three bedroom house and there were nineteen people living in the house. It was a terrible neighborhood as well, not that I minded much, but it was difficult to live in such a bad neighborhood when you lived with such problematic people.

I had so many interesting memories living there. Most of them weren't the good interesting. It was more worrying than good.

For those of you that read my other book: Yes, I'm way more afraid of the Insidious movies than I should be. Yes, I'm aware that I have a problem. Yes, I'm a scaredy-cat.