Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 53

Billie shook her head, looking down. "Um—I..."

"What?" I asked impatiently. What'd she say?"

"The pictures are gonna stop." She drug her hand down her face and left it on her mouth, muffling her voice a bit. "She's gonna delete them."

"But did she tell you how she got the picture of Andrew?"

"Oh, uh... no." Billie shook her head. "She doesn't know how Alex got it. I actually need to take a shower though so I'm gonna go... do that. I feel gross."

Was she lying? If so, she wasn't very good at it.

I turned to Claudia and Finneas after she walked away, cocking an eyebrow but they just shrugged.

-

I sighed, finally mustering up the courage to ask Billie about her conversation with Erika. "Hey, Billie?"

"Hm?" She looked up at me, popping her fingers.

"What exactly did Erika say?"

Billie shrugged. "Just, uh... you know, Alex did it. She doesn't know. She'll make sure nothing else gets posted."

I nodded. "But she said that you guys were gonna make a deal so what were her terms?"

She looked down at her bed. "There weren't really any. Just—just to leave her alone."

"Well, wasn't that shocking sweet of her?"

"Mm-hm."

It was quiet for a minute before I finally continued. "So, you're really just gonna sit here and lie to me right now?"

"Camilla." She slid her hands into her hair. "I'm sorry."

"I get that but what did she say and why can't you tell me?"

"Because it's bad, okay? I don't wanna have to tell you because I don't want it to be true!"

"Well, it doesn't matter. I already know something bad happened because of the letter. Just tell me."

"Wait." Her eyebrows knitted together confusedly. "What letter?"

"I found it in Andrew's room. He knew that I would eventually go into his room either out of suspicion or missing him, so he had a letter written out for me."

She nodded and sighed. "It was Alex."

"Well, I know he posted it but—"

"No," Billie interrupted. "He—he took the picture and posted it."

I closed my eyes and then opened them again. "What? Why was he there after—after he..."

"Because he came to check on him." Billie looked up at me, putting her hand on my knee.

"Why did he feel the need to check on him," I asked tentatively, scared of the answer she'd give me. "They didn't like each other."

"Because he—um... the cuts on Andrew's arms weren't fatal." She shook her head, her eyes glossing over. "Alex poisoned him."

It was a dream. It had to be another dream. How can you tell if you're dreaming again? The time. "Can you show me what time it is?"

She turned her phone on and showed me her screen. It's 9:06 pm. "You're not dreaming, baby."

Andrew could've still been here right now. We could've been in his room right now talking about graduation and what we were gonna do with our lives but instead... he was murdered. If the cuts on his arms weren't fatal, that means that he'd still be alive if Alex hadn't poisoned him.

Alex killed my best friend.

Alex killed Andrew.

An unbelievable pain burned in my chest as my mental exhaustion becomes unbearably physically painful.

I didn't understand why.

Alex deserved to burn at the bottom of hell. He deserved to suffer just as he's made me suffer. I wanted to watch the life leave his eyes and I wanted to be the cause of it.

I needed some air. It felt like I couldn't breathe in there.

I stood up and made my way outside. As soon as I stepped out the door, a small breeze hit me in the face and for a few momentous seconds, all of my chaotic thoughts escaped my mind.

It was weird how quickly my mind changed. A few minutes ago, I would've probably punched Billie if she tried to touch me because of how angry I was, but now all I wanted was for her to hold me and tell me that it'd be okay. It was kind of cold with the wind blowing like this.

A warm tear slipped down my face and I quickly wiped it away when I heard the door open and then close behind me. Billie sat down and pulled me into her lap, wrapping a blanket around us.

"I'm sorry, baby." She kissed my jaw and rested her forehead against the side of my head.

"It's okay. It's not your fault."

"Please do not go do anything stupid. We can figure out what to do about this together. You can't go messing with Alex. I don't want anything to happen to you."

"I'm not. I'm not gonna do anything dumb."