Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 58

"Why are you doing this?" I asked myself quietly, trying not to cry as I desperately searched for the good amidst the bad.

"It'll be good for you," I replied, sliding my hands into my hair.

"No, it won't." I scoffed to myself. "I know that you don't really agree with my sexuality and stuff but you're really just gonna send me away?" I looked up at my mom, remembering that she was still there.

"I'm not just sending you away. He's your dad and you said that you want to go now."

"I haven't seen him in four years! I don't know him!"

"Don't say that." She tilted her head, disappointment evident in her face. "You're being ridiculous. You said that you want to go now."

"Don't tell me what the fuck to say," I spat, getting out of the car. She couldn't do anything anymore. She was sending me away. "It never was a choice."

"No, it sure as hell wasn't. Do you want me to walk you to your gate?"

"No." I shut the door, turning around and walking into the airport. I found my gate and sat down, putting my earbuds in and turning on music. I didn't think Billie knew I was at the airport. I decided that if she knew, she knew and if she didn't, she didn't. I didn't know that I could handle her being there.

I couldn't say goodbye to her. I couldn't see the look on her face. I didn't think I could walk away if she was watching. I turned my music up more in an attempt to drown out my thoughts telling me how terrible I was for this.

I loved Billie. A lot. I loved Billie more than I ever imagined I would. I always thought that it would feel good to finally admit to myself that I was in love with Billie, but instead it was a painful, achey feeling. What was the point now? It was too late. It didn't matter if I loved her. I was leaving.

-

I sighed, rubbing my eyes. My flight was delayed and I was really trying not to fall asleep in that stupid chair. I furrowed my eyebrows as the already noisy airport seemed to grow louder. I just turned my music up in an attempt to silence it. I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder and a pair of chunky, green sneakers came into view. My breath caught as I quickly recognized them. I hesitantly pulled my earbuds out, not looking up.

"Camilla," Billie said loudly. Tears pricked at my eyes as I looked up. "You were just gonna... leave? Without telling me?"

"Billie, I-I can't... I'm sorry." I stood up and started walking away but she grabbed my arm.

"Well, I guess it's too late because I'm not the only one who was pissed about it."

"Oh, fuck," I mumbled, turning around to see Finneas, Claudia, Maggie, and Patrick all standing beside Billie. "Guys..."

Maggie pulled me into a hug. "We're gonna miss you so much."

I laughed, sniffing. "I'm gonna miss you guys too."

I let go of her and she grabbed my hands. "Stay out of trouble. Don't beat anybody else up, okay?"

I nodded. "Okay."

She stepped aside and Patrick replaced her. "Who are you again? What's your name?"

I shook my head as he chuckled softly. "Stop."

He hugged me. "Be good, okay? Don't give your dad too much trouble."

"No promises," I joked.

He ruffled my hair before stepping aside, Finneas stepping into view. "Damn," he whispered. "Try not to forget about us, Milla, alright?"