Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 16

I drop my skateboard and sit on the couch, humming the lyrics to a song that I can't remember the name of. My mom walks in and plops down on the couch with a sigh. "Can you go grab me a beer?"

"Mhm." I open the fridge and grab a beer, bringing it to my mom. She always drinks but she doesn't usually drink enough to get drunk or anything. Her alcohol tolerance is pretty high. I start walking away but stop when she calls my name.

"Camilla."

"Ma'am?"

"Sit down. Let's talk." She pats the couch.

I swallow, feeling anxious as I sit down.

"What's this that I'm hearing? Alejandro's mom said that he said you're gay. Where are these rumors coming from?"

I lick my lips as I think. "I don't know. People just make stuff up."

"Really?" She takes a drink of her beer and then sets it down. "Are you?"

I quickly shake my head. "No. Of course not."

"Don't lie to me, mija."

"I'm not—"

"Tell the truth!"

My eyes start to water and I look down.

"I'm not mad at you. Stop crying!"

"Sorry," I apologize.

"You like girls?"

I don't want to make her even more mad so I nod.

"Words."

"Yes."

She sighs heavily. "Why? Is it something I did?"

"No. I don't know why."

"That doesn't make sense." She shakes her head.

I shrug frustratedly. "I don't know."

"Well, I mean, are you sure you like girls?"

"Yeah."

"Have you ever kissed one?"

"No." I furrow my eyebrows.

"Then how do you know," she asks.

"You knew that you liked boys before you kissed them, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but that's normal. Girls like boys. Boys like girls." She raises an eyebrow. "Do you want to kiss them."

I huff in frustration. "I don't know!" Of course, I know.

"Okay," she replies quietly. "Um... okay. Do you like boys and girls?"

"Yeah," I say, hoping it'll make her less upset about it.

"Do you like Billie?"

"What? No! Billie has a boyfriend and I don't think of her like that!"