Behind Closed Doors // Billie Eilish

Chapter 26

T/W: suicide

"Camilla, we need to talk," my mom said.

"Okay."

"I don't know how to weed into the topic so I'm gonna get straight to the cut."

I nodded.

"I lied," she started. "You're dad is not in jail and he hasn't been for almost two years. He has been asking to see you. I'm the reason you stopped seeing him."

"Wait... what?"

"Shut up for a second. David has been helping me pay the bills because I can't do it alone."

"Mom, I've been giving you the money I make at work too. How are you still struggling? What are you doing with the... you're still putting money on his books." I looked up at her accusingly. "You're still giving that dude in prison money. What the f—" I stopped before I accidentally swore in front of her. "Why?"

"You're avoiding the conversation about your dad. That's all. Well, guess what. You won't be doing it for long because you can either come with me to your abuela's house in New Mexico or go live with your dad in Michigan. I don't know which one yet but either way, we're leaving here."

"What? When?"

"I don't know right now. I'm at least gonna wait until after you graduate."

"I... how are you... mom!"

"Stop it! There's nothing you can do about it. Go somewhere else and cry about it. I don't want to hear anything else from you."

-

"Algebra isn't hard it's just that my teacher hates me," I said.

Starlit nodded. "Can you blame him?"

"What?" I smiled, turning to look at her.

"I'm just kidding." She elbowed me.

Somebody whistled behind us and my heart stopped, panic taking over me. I sure as hell hoped it wasn't who I thought it was. "It's been a minute Cami," Sage said. "Turn around and look at me."

I slowly turned around, my heart now practically beating out of my chest. The first thing I saw was his shadow spilling out onto the concrete in front of him, stopping only a foot away from me. I raise my head to meet his eyes. He was over a foot taller than me. I swallowed as he walked over to me, his dreads hanging down in his face. He was wearing a white wife-beater and some black basketball shorts.

"And just where have you been hiding?"

Starlit shook her head. "Fuck off, S—"

"Shut the hell up!" He pulled a gun out of his waistband and pointed it at her.

Her shoulders slumped as she shot me an apologetic look before walking away. I didn't want to be alone with him, but it was smart of her to leave.

"Anyways..." He walked up to me, each step seemingly piercing into my ears. "I hardly recognized you with the haircut," he admitted, tracing my jawline with the muzzle of his gun.

"I hardly recognize you with you're newest tattoos," I replied bitterly. "Forty-nine. When did that happen?"

"You know when it happened." He shoved his gun into my neck.

My breath caught in my throat as I thought of a response. "When I broke you're heart?" I asked, holding up air quotations as I said it.

"You're such a bitch."

"You're a fucking liar! First of all, we dated for like a month and you just wanted to fuck. I didn't break your heart."

"And I didn't even get that."

"Aw." I pouted, mocking him.

He brought the gun up to my head. "I'll shoot you. I swear to God I will."

"And I swear to God... I couldn't fucking care less. Matter of fact, please do it."

"Maybe I will." He smirked, obviously thinking that I cared when I really didn't. My life was going to shit right now, so I was fearless.

"Go ahead. Pull the damn trigger. You want me to do it for you?"

He thought for a minute before holding the gun out to me. "Yeah. Go ahead. Shoot yourself. I'd love to see it."

I hesitantly took it, my hand shaking.

And I really doing that right now? How did I even end up here? It was either him or me. I wanted this. This is what I wanted, so it's okay, right?

I aimed the gun at my head. This could really all be over. Fast. The simple pull of a trigger. I gripped the cold metal in my hand. This is what I wanted. More than anything. I put my finger on the trigger but I didn't pull it.

Was it really?

Yes, of course. This was what I'd wanted for so long. Just pull the damn trigger, Camilla. I didn't need to think about it or I'd change my mind and then regret changing my mind later.

I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth as I pulled the trigger, a deafening, heart-wrenching, blood-curdling bang echoing through the small neighborhood.