"I love you, I love you."
Miko kept on repeating those words to me like it would erase the scenario I saw earlier. I wish it would.
"Are you drunk?" I asked him. "Did you drink?"
I was still standing in front of him and my right hand was still on his left shoulder. I was looking down at him hoping that he was just drunk that's why he did that. He just stared at me. His cheeks were blushing, he really is drunk. I thought it would ease the anger that is slowly building up inside whenever I remember what I saw earlier.
"Babe," he stood up and held my chin para matignan ko siya ng diretso sa mata.
"Miko naman..." Why are you making this so hard for me?
Gusto kong magwala dahil galit na galit na ako. But the thing is, galit ako sa sarili ko dahil nakakaramdam ako ng galit sa lalaking kaharap ko ngayon. Ang lalaking kaharap ko ngayon na nagsabi na hindi ako sasaktan para hindi ako magalit sa kaniya.
"I want scream the pain out..." I leaned my head on his chest and closed my eyes very tight to stop tears from flowing.
He has other problems to deal with at kung magagalit ako sa kaniya ay mas lalo lang siyang mahihirapan. He just lost his Mom kaya alam ko na hindi ito ang oras para isumbat sa kaniya ang bagay na ginawa nila ni Anjela.
"Are you mad?" Nanginginig ang boses nito nang magtanong.
"I am," sobrang diin kong saad.
"Believe me, I pushed her away." He tried to hug me pero lumayo ako.
"Can you rest first?" I asked him at agad naman siyang tumango.
Nanginginig ang kamay ko nang alalayan ko siyang mahiga sa kama niya. Pinanood ko kung paano siya mabilis na nakatulog dala na siguro ng alak. I went outside and stood there for hours.
"Bakit naman po ganito yung timing?" I asked while looking at the dark sky.
I'm outside, on the balcony of his bedroom. I'm leaning on the railings while looking up and trying to stop the tears from falling out from my eyes. Parang inalisan ako ng karapatan magalit. Hindi ko magawang sigawan si Miko kahit gustong gusto ko. Hindi ko maipakita yung galit ko kahit na kailangan dahil naiipon ito sa loob.
"Nagsagot naman po ako ng exam," I held my hands together. "Bakit parang sobra naman yung karma na bumalik?"
I'm trying my best not be loud dahil ayaw kong magising si Miko. He is now asleep for about 3 hours at sa oras na iyon ay nandito lang ako sa labas at tahimik na nilalabas ang mabigat na damdamin na nararamdaman ko.
Naiintindihan ko naman na I can set it aside for now. But that does not mean that I will forget it. It doesn't mean that by the time I close my eyes at night I can sleep peacefully without thinking about it.
"Shit naman," napatakip na lang ako sa mukha ko nang magtuloy tuloy na ang tulo ng luha. "Nasaan ba si Trio kapag kailangan mo siya?"
Halos mapatalon ako nang maramdaman na may yumakap sa akin mula sa likod. Agad kong iniwas ang katawan ko at halos magsisi ako nang magtama ang mata namin ni Miko.
"Sorry, I'm sorry." Magkasunod kong aniya. "Don't mind me, nagbibilang lang ako ng bituin nakalimutan kong pumikit kaya naluha ako."
Hindi siya nakumbinsi sa palusot ko at nanatiling nakatingin lang sa akin. Who would believe that lie? Hindi ko naman magawang tumingin ng diretso sa kaniya dahil alam ko na sa oras na magtama ang mata namin ay hindi ko na maitatago ang galit.
"I'm sorry,"
Mariin akong napapikit nang marinig iyon mula sa kaniya. Akala ko ako lang ang magsasabi noon.
BINABASA MO ANG
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