Love Will Keep Us - Book 5

Pier Walks

"So why have you been avoiding me so much, my love?" Stef asks Stefanie as she decided to take her for dinner at the Pier while the kids along with Lena ate at home. Normally they ate together as a family but the blonde knew she had to take advantage of Stefanie being there for they needed to talk. And desperately.  Deep down Stef also knew she needed to talk to Callie as well for it was another thing that was killing her and making her stomach turn if she thought about it, but that was for another time.

"I call you and want to take you out but you always say you're busy, love. This time you said you were punished, which yes you are, but your mom said it was fine if I took you out. So, then I come home and see you mowing our lawn, and I noticed someone ironed my uniforms very nicely and hung them up pretty neatly. Which I know wasn't Francesca since she irons one a day and never gets them that starched or neat. I also noticed all our cabinets were organized which I know wasn't Lena because she hasn't had time to do it lately. So what gives, honey? MM?"

Stef doesn't take her eyes off the girl as Stefanie can only look at her hands not having any idea of what to say.

"Look, I know none of you kids have wanted to be around me or talk to me for weeks. I get that. But I'm trying here love, I've been trying with us for awhile. What can I do so that you feel safe to talk to me again, or do you not want a relationship with me anymore?"

"What? No." The girl turns her head instantly upon hearing that statement looking right into Stef's eyes. "I don't feel that way. Meaning I do want one with you."

"Yeah? You sure?" Stef asks softly as she feels her voice crack for just even thinking she could lose another baby.

"Yes. I do. I just feel bad about a lot of stuff. Like...I can't deal, I guess," Stefanie admits softly.

"Ok, what stuff?" With silence taking over, the cop gently grabs the girls hand as she puts her food to the side of her. "Stefanie, there was a time when it wasn't so hard for you to talk to me. I am sorry if I make and have made you feel as if you can't anymore. That was never something I wanted for us. I know it was a challenging year for you, and I know we went through something not so good. But I...I don't want you to be afraid to talk to me.  I know teenagers mess up. I know that and I'm not holding any of that against you. I think I may have come across all wrong here, and I'm trying, baby. I really, really am!"

"I don't know why...or why it feels different for me. I want to hang out with you but then I don't at the same time. I don't want to make you mad which is all I seem to do lately. I didn't mean to cause trouble with Callie getting drunk and us lying about the library. I...I feel I'm always on your bad side now, and it's really hard because it kills me to disappoint you!" The girl says, tearing up as Stef gently lifts her chin to look into her eyes.

"You think I hate you. That's what I heard."

"Don't you? How could you not?  After everything. And now...with...Callie? I just...I just can't..."

"Stefanie Marie Brown, I will tell you just like I told you before." Stef says sternly. "What happened with you and me back in New York, I don't hold any of it against you. Yes, it made me sad at the time but you and I have worked on that. We have and I don't hold any of it against you. At all. None of it, baby and you are doing so well now. I don't know what's going on in your life anymore since you won't talk to me, but I mean it seems you are doing ok. And I don't hold your recent teenage rendezvous with Callie against you either. But I will tell you this. I will tell you that I miss you. And it makes me sad that you...that you are so nervous around me now. I don't know what to do to make you feel ok around me like you used to." Giant tears now roll down Stefanie's face as Stef gently wipes them away and cups her face with her hands.

"Look I know I'm a hardass. And I've probably gotten worse in that area. But, I'm not a mean person, honey. I'm not an angry person and if anything, I love hard. All you kids are my life, and I know my discipline or way of discipline has caused a lot of tension and distance. Sometimes adults have to work on things too, and no one is perfect. I am not at all but I try my best with all of you. Always have and what I say or do is not always the right thing. You know, this is selfish of me to say." The cop begins as Stefanie looks to her.

"What is?"

"MM, I miss you living here. I mean with us. I miss you. Yes. I think it's very good you are back with your parents because it's important. But I miss you a lot of the time because even if sometimes you were quiet and didn't say much I knew you were there, I knew you were ok. Now I know nothing. And I have made every single effort to bridge that gap, but you have not allowed that. So, it's harder somehow."

"I didn't...I'm sorry, Godmommy," Stefanie's chin quivers as the blonde grabs a napkin and hands it to her before continuing.

"And I forgive you. I forgive you every single time because that is love. Love forgives, my baby. We are family, but can you please tell me if you're going to stop hiding? MM?"

"It's not because I don't want you to know though about my life, Godmommy. I just don't want to keep messing up with you, and making you so angry with me. You never used to be so mad at me all the time.  Now it kinda feels like you always are."

Stef sighs now as she tugs on the girls hand. "Walk with me."

Stefanie nods as she quickly wipes her eyes and they throw their trash away before linking their hands. Walking along the long pier, as the sun is beginning to set, Stef stops off to the side as little stars begin to twinkle in the distance, and the lighthouse begins shining off into the water. Pulling Stefanie close to her, she wraps her arms around the girl.

"Look, we're always going to hit rough spots, okay. That's called life, but I will always be here. I'm not going anywhere. And I will always forgive you. But my question to you is, will you forgive me? MM? My baby?"

"Forgive you? What do you mean?" She asks confused now looking up at the woman who softly smiled.

"Well, forgive me for the times that I've hurt your feelings with being so harsh, and stern. And cold. Forgiving me when I forget how sensitive you are.  Because even if I am aware during those times that I yell I forget.  Forgiving me for making you feel unsafe and uncomfortable. Will you forgive me for all of that?"

The blonde can feel Stefanie nod as she whispers, "Yes," before she pulled her in to kiss her temple. "Of course. I'll always forgive you."

"Yeah? So how about we just start slow?Maybe we just have to get to know each other again.  If you will let me?"

"Yeah of course."

"Ok. Because I don't want you feeling uncomfortable around me or thinking that I hate you.  Because I don't. And no matter what you do in this world, no matter how bad you mess up I will never, ever in this life hate you.  You will always have a place in my heart, and in my life. Ok?"

"Ok." She says wiping her tears.

"Good. Now tell me, how is school? Need anything new to wear?" Stef asks as Stefanie smiles wide wrapping both her arms around he blondes slim waist.

"Not yet. But I do wanna see a movie." She says looking up at her and smiling.

"Name the time and place and I'm there baby. But lets head back or do you wanna sit for a bit?"

"MM can we sit for a bit? It's nice out."

"You got it babe." Stef says as the two find a little bench and the older woman holds the girl in her arms. She knew Stefanie still had many issues and dealt with anxiety for she could feel it and see it. She really could and it was something she he understood so much. But right now it was safe to say that the two had made up as she held the girl closer to her hearing her sniffle a bit. "I love you sweetheart. Always."

"I love you too. More than anyone." Stefanie whispers closing her eyes a bit as she feels Stef kiss the top of head and hold her closer.

Now the next person was her daughter, and she wondered if the girl would actually forgive her, and if they could have a civil conversation. The blonde knew she had to change her approach that much she knew. But there was one thing Stef was very aware of and that was that Callie had just as much stubbornness running through her body as her own.