Love Will Keep Us - Book 5

Take a Beat

LENA POV

I make my way down to the beach as I see a few people still surfing as the sun begins to set.  Wrapping my arms around myself for it was a chilly evening  it was my favorite time of night. And it was around this time of night that  Stef and I usually went for walks to get things off our chest and to just feel the weight of the world leave our shoulders. I knew she would surf now early in the mornings after her shift ended especially now that I had taken over the morning runs with the kids. But it had been a few weeks since we had done this but I was realizing it was something we needed to keep up and to stay connected to each other. 

So I had a feeling where she would be, but I didn't expect to find her this far down our usual beach route where we talked about life and the past.

But low and behold, she is and I know I need to talk to her, and it just might not be pretty, yet I needed to try. It wasn't a secret how hard she is on herself, and I know that Callie blowing up on her as she did had to have had some kind of affect. The two were always close, they rarely if ever butt heads from what I had seen and if anything they had a very sweet relationship and a trusting one. Even if she was 15 there were many times I saw them chatting on our patio as Callie would rest her head in her mothers lap just talking. Or even when we watched movies Callie would cuddle with her and often was very astute to Stef if she had a trying day at work. Callie knew her mother, she had seen her at her worst, but Callie was having her issues as well and we both had to remember that even if she didn't say her feelings that she felt them.

I knew many things she said was out of frustration tonight. Both her and Stef but maybe she was right in regards to some. Maybe it was wrong of us to just up and move here, maybe she wasn't comfortable having two mothers, and maybe the adjustment of leaving her only home of NYC was harder then either of us even realized. Maybe we didn't pay attention to her like we should have but in any case it was evident we needed to.

"Hey, baby love," I walk up beside her as she looks over at me. Her eyes are red, and her nose swollen; so, I know she's been crying her eyes out which definitely breaks my heart in half. Taking a seat beside her I rub her cheek with the back of my hand feeling heartbroken. And I wondered how much Stef didn't say to me. I really did.

"Is she gone?" Stef's voice is thick from crying, and I reach out as she takes my hand.

"Yes. She was getting ready to leave before I came to find you." I whisper as she nods her head. "I spoke to her a bit though."

"I suppose we'll hear from Mike soon. I doubt she'd go anywhere else unless she went around the corner to Tess and Jerry's."

"I'm not so sure. If I know Callie, she'd run to Mike's. Tess and Stefanie are too close and personal in all of this, and Mike is neutral. Plus she told me she was going to him. Which might not be a bad idea right now so you and her can get a bit of space. And there is nothing wrong with that."

Stef nods as she sniffles, and I squeeze her hand as she stares out over the waves. The breeze from the night floats over us as I breathe in the salty air trying to calm my own nerves. I know that this is a delicate subject, and I don't wish for Stef to feel attacked by me. Callie was her baby, her world and her life and I knew that.

"I just..."

"When did everything start going wrong, Lena?" My wife cuts me off as I swallow my words, my heart hammering in my chest. "What in the fuck did I do so wrong? I don't get it. I just try to love these kids so badly and god do I love all of them more then life itself. I'd do anything for all of them. I would and that is not coming across one bit."

"Baby, it's not...things aren't going wrong, sweetheart. And..

"But they are. Everything is wrong!" She says now turning to look at me very upset. "This is supposed to be the happiest moments of our lives! We were so happy in that two bedroom apartment, and now we are at each other's throats! I'm shoving soap down my baby's throat, whipping their asses and running them like donkeys every morning! Who have I become, Lena? How can you stand to look at me right now? This is not me baby. This is not me and it's no wonder they don't speak to me. It's no wonder I didn't know about Frankie's bake sale and her award, it's not wonder Callie kept this boy from me, it's no wonder Corey doesn't want to help me around the yard anymore and play ball. It's not wonder Stefanie won't sleep over. What the fuck do I expect. Useless as shit. That's what I am." I am frozen from her words as she now stands wanting to walk off from me. But I get up and pull her arm but she pulls away from me, seemingly agitated, as she pulls her cigarettes from her back pocket, pulling one out to smoke. I finally come to as I snatch it from her, catching her off guard.