The Inverse

- 6

AGNES'S POV

We were all sitting sa living room nila Migs. Ako, si Migs, si Pao, si Toni, at si Jam. I used to write songs nung college ako, but I stopped. And last night, I was overwhelmed with a lot of feelings that I felt the need to write. And I finished the song too. After that day with Pat and after what happened, I knew it was the end.

"Agnes, are you sure about this?"sabi ni Pao. He was looking at me worriedly. Sinabihan ko kasi sila na I wanted to meet up because I wrote a song for Pat. They didn't know what to expect out of the song, and to be honest, I didn't know what to tell her.

"I have to Pao. Andami kong gustong sabihin kay Pat. But after what happened to us the other day, I don't think I'll still get the chance. This song is my farewell."

Wala na sa kanilang nagsasalita. All I can hear from them is their breathing. I showed them the lyrics and kinuha ko yung gitara nila Pao. I let them listen to it. After nun, sinubukan na kantahin ni Migs. I listened to him intently. As if I didn't write it. But I knew the words by heart. I knew it too well.

"Faaak. Can't do this guys."sabi ni Jam. Umalis siya at lumabas.

"Ako na."sabi ko kela Toni tapos tumayo ako at sinundan ko si Jam.

"Jam."

"Tangina naman Agnes. Wala namang sakitan."

"Jam, para sa 'kin please. Maybe it's time."sabi ko sa kanya.

"Time for what Agnes?"

"Time for me to let her go. I gave myself a deadline. Hanggang sa kasal lang niya. I would hold on to her hanggang sa kasal niya. And this song, this song will be the last song I'll be writing for her."

"Do you seriously want me to go in there and record your pain Agnes?" Nakikita ko yung lungkot at inis sa mukha ni Jam. She knew everything since day 1. Since the day I told her about Pat. And now, here she is, listening to my pain, as she would call it.

"Jam, think of it as, the band's new single. Bakit naman yung Kathang Isip di ba? It was Pao's heartbreak, and we recorded it still."

"Magkaiba yun Agnes. You're my best friend and Pat is a close friend of mine too. Whenever I would listen to that, it would remind me of you and Pat. And of all this mess. Gets mo ba yun Agnes? I would listen to your fucking song and it would remind me of how you would pass out sa condo mo each night. How everyday I am scared to know if you're still alive or not."

I took a deep breath. All my suffering and all the pain I went through, si Jam ang andun para saluhin ako. She would always check on me and make sure that I'm pulling myself together. She would run errands for me, she would let my family know that I'm okay, she would let the band know that I'm fine. And totoo. I know that the song would transport her back to memories that we both want to forget.

"Jam. This is for myself. I want to write it for me. I want everyone to listen to it, kasi I want to share a song na alam kong makakarelate sila. And I want to listen to it over radio and I want to hear stories from people who went through the same pain as mine. Think of it as my healing. This song is not about my pain anymore. This is me telling Pat, I'm trying to let her go. Na siguro nga, hindi na kami para sa lifetime na 'to, but maybe in the next. Jam, I need you on this." Jam sighed. Alam kong conflicted pa rin siya. But I know that she would also agree.

"Fine. But I'm skipping this song everytime."sabi niya.

Bumalik na kami sa loob at nagstart na magrecord nung parts namin. Sinabihan na nila Migs yung banda na may bagong kanta. Soon after nagpadala na sila Andrew ng portion nila. I instructed Migs na last si Pat na magrerecord. Minix na ni Jam yung music. Tapos pinakinggan namin ulit. Ikaw pa rin Pat. Pero sa susunod na habang buhay na lang Pat. Maybe not in this universe. Maybe not in this lifetime.

"Migs."

"What?"

"Sana sa 'tin na lang 'to. Please don't tell Pat na I wrote this. And don't tell her that this song is for her. Ayoko na lang gumulo."

"Pero Agnes, you wrote this for her. Tapos ayaw mong malaman nya?"

"All this is for me Migs. This is my farewell, but she doesn't need to know that."

"Agnes..."

"Please Migs. Please."