The Inverse

- 11

PAT'S POV

The last three days were worth it. After Agnes and I talked, I feel as if something heavy in my chest somehow disappeared.

It felt liberating. But I do feel guilty kasi alam kong nasaktan ko si Coelli, but this is something I had to do for myself. It was selfish for my part, but I have to do it. And now, I am not even sure what I am doing. I shouldn't have agreed to meet up with Agnes that day.

I'm now standing here sa labas ng condo ni Agnes. After so many years, andito nanaman ako. I rang the doorbell twice pero mukhang wala si Agnes dito. Fine. I'll just leave. Coming here is probably a mistake too. Naglakad na ako nung biglang --

"Pat?" I looked back. Andun si Agnes at mukhang kakagising lang niya. Her hair was all messy and she was squinting kasi wala pa siyang salamin. I walked back to her condo. Agad naman nya kong pinapasok.

Pagkapasok ko, bumalik siya sa kwarto niya at hinanap niya yung salamin niya. When she returned she was wearing this very beautiful smile. Naramdaman kong bumilis yung tibok ng puso ko. What is this? Why am I feeling this? Hindi ito tama.

"Have you had breakfast?"tanong niya. She looked at me with concern.

"Pat, are you okay?" Tumango ako.

"You're not."sabi niya. This. This is the exact reason why I needed Agnes. She just gets me. I don't even have to tell her anything, she just... knows.

Nagulat ako nung hinawakan niya yung kamay ko. That familiar touch sent a different kind of sensation across my skin. I pulled my hand away.

"Sorry."sabi niya. "Old habits." I smiled. Napa-isip tuloy ako kung tama bang pumunta ako dito. Tama ba yung desisyon ko?

"Let's go out for breakfast?"sabi ko sa kanya to lighten up the mood. She forced a smile. I can tell from Agnes's face na madami siyang tanong. Don't worry Agnes, you'll find the answer soon.

"Sige. Though you know that I'm never a morning person, and you barging in here just to ask me out for breakfast is an offense. Kaya wala kang choice. You'll need to agree with everything I want for this breakfast."sabi niya then she finally smiled. The kind that makes your heart melt. The kind of smile that made me fall in love with her. Ano ba yan Pat.

"Okay, fine. Dami pang sinasabi eh. Dalian mo na gutom na 'ko."pang-aasar ko sa kanya. She laughed then she started to prepare. Umupo lang muna ako sa sofa. Hindi pa rin nagbabago 'tong condo na 'to. Still the same old condo. Even the feeling of being here stayed the same.

Tiningnan lang namin ulit yung unit kung may naiwan ba kaming nakasaksak and to check the stove. Ganito kaming dalawa everytime lalabas kami, and until now, moving together just felt normal, like we're still in sync after everything. Palabas na sana kami ng unit nung nagulat ako na niyakap ako ni Agnes mula sa likod.

"I know you're not okay."sabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, pero humarap din ako sa kanya at yumakap sa kanya.

Namiss ko 'to. I miss not having to explain my side of things. I miss not having to use words and explain why I'm not okay. I miss not having to say anything but be understood. Si Agnes, siya lang ang nakakagawa nun. And today, I allowed myself to finally acknowledge it. She hugged me tighter. I burrowed my face sa chest niya. This feels nice. Bigla akong bumitaw sa kanya and she started looking at me with apprehension. Wala kang ginawang mali Agnes, don't worry.

"Gutom na ako."sabi ko sa kanya. Ngumiti lang siya at umalis na kaming dalawa papunta dun sa restaurant na lagi namin pinupuntahan.

Once we got there, inorder lang ni Agnes yung usual order naming dalawa. Then we waited for it to be served. Kumakain na kami nung biglang nagsalita si Agnes.