The Inverse

- 22

AGNES'S POV

I just stood there at the parking lot wondering anong iniisip ni Pat habang nasa loob siya ng sasakyan niya. Did I say too much? But I had to say it. If this is goodbye, then at least I need to say it. Hindi ko nga alam bakit ko yun sinabi sa kanya. Ang sabi ko sa sarili ko closure ang hihingin ko pero bakit parang I just opened up old wounds?

She started her car and left. Wala na siyang sinabi ulit sa 'kin. I walked all the way back papunta sa sasakyan ko. I can feel a lump in my throat and my eyes are starting to sting. Ano bang ineexpect ko? Anong inaantay kong sabihin niya?

Hinayaan ko na yung sarili kong umiyak. When she showed me the ring earlier, it felt as if a knife went through my heart. Ako sana yun. Ako dapat yun. But I let her go. I let her slip away. The worst part of it all, is ako ang may gusto nun before. I wanted to find myself and it felt as if, as if I stopped being myself nung kami pa, but now I understand na I have always been whole. That's what made our relationship work. Kasi buo kaming dalawa. I broke what was not broken in the first place. I slipped away.

There wasn't a single day that I did not regret that night. A few months after para parin akong sinasaksak whenever I would think about it. I can't help but think that it was my fault. I should have been patient. We should have talked things out. Pero ano pa bang point to dwell over the mistakes we had in the past? Maybe it is too late, but all I can do now is fight for Pat in the way I know. She deserves to be happy. She deserves all of this. And maybe, the best way to fight for the love I have is to just let her go. Maybe it's time I choose what's best for her than what's best for us.

Pero bakit ang sakit? Di ba ako naman may gusto nito? Bakit parang ako lang ang nasaktan? Bakit parang ako lang yung naiwan? Why am I the one who's still stuck? Why am I still holding on to her?

Why can't I just unlove you Pat?