The Inverse

- 19

PAT'S POV

"Are you okay?" tanong ni Coelli habang kumakain kami ng lunch. I just came back from the hospital and after what happened, I'm not sure what to feel anymore.

"Uh. Yeah. Why?"

"You didn't touch your food."

"Ah... busog lang siguro ako."sagot ko sa kanya. Wala talaga akong gana kumain and I don't know how to tell her what I want to say.

"You haven't eaten anything Pat since this morning how can you be full? Nagaalala na ako sayo." I can tell from her face that she's worried. Nakakunot yung noo niya and she's concerned na wala pa akong kinakain the whole day.

"Ah busog lang talaga ako." I lied.

"Hindi ba masarap yung pagkain? We can just buy something if you like. Di kasi talaga ako magaling magluto eh, alam mo naman yun, pero we can order take out."

"Ah hindi, masarap naman siya eh."

"Eh bakit hindi ka kumakain?"

"Coelli kasi..." I hesitated. Hindi ko alam kung handa na ba ako sa mga sasabihin ko sa kanya.

"Ano yun? Come on tell me. You know you can tell me anything."

"Coelli ayoko na."sagot ko. I'm finally now able to tell her. I should have done this before.

"What?" Halatang nagulat si Coelli and she almost dropped her utensils.

"Anong.. anong ayaw mo na Pat? Okay sige kung ayaw mo ng kumain then just leave it there. Okay na yan. Mamayang gabi maybe we can just buy something or we can go out or go out for a da--"

"Coelli." I stopped her. And for a few seconds, we kept quiet. She looked at me with eyes full of questions.

"Ayoko na."dagdag ko.

Alam kong masakit, at alam kong walang ibang way para sabihin 'to sa kanya, but I need to do this. I need to fix things. I need to set things right. She was looking at me with complete confusion and shock.

"Pat anong ayaw mo na? Ano to?" I took a deep breath.

"Coelli I'm sorry, pero ayoko na."

We kept quiet again. This time, hindi ko na siya kayang tingnan. I'm scared that if I do, baka magbago ang isip ko and I end up taking back the things I just said. Pero gagawin ko 'to, kasi ito ang tama. I need to call things off with her kasi I don't want to go around her back or cheat on her, if I am going to fix things between me and Agnes, I need to make sure I'm starting things right.

"Coelli, ayoko lang maging unfair." I stood up and I tried to hold her hand. She pulled it away.

"Bakit Pat, how is this fair? Iniiwan mo nga ako nang hindi mo ako binibigyan ng magandang dahilan and now you're saying you don't want to be unfair. This is unfair! I deserve an explanation. I deserve to know the truth. Si Agnes ba?! Si Agnes pa rin ba?! Siya ba yung dahilan kung bakit ka nakikipaghiwalay sa 'kin ngayon?!"sabi ni Coelli.

I can feel her anger is rising up to the surface and I know that I deserve it. Her anger, her frustration, her pain, lahat 'to pikit mata ko nang tatanggapin. Tumayo din siya and she went near the window. She then turned around to face me.

"Pat, iniwan ka niya! Andun ako nung iniwan ka niya! Ako yung sumalo sa'yo, ako yung --"

"Coelli I know. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. Pero nakapagisip-isip ako..."

"And?"

"Ayokong maging unfair sa'yo."sagot ko sa kanya. "Kaya, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Andaya mo naman Pat eh. Akala ko ba..."her voice is shaking and her voice started to break. She sniffed. "...akala ko ba okay na? Pat, 2 months na lang o. Pat, sandali na lang, ikakasal na tayo eh."