The Inverse

- 5

PAT'S POV

Inaantay kong dumating si Migs at si Pao kasi ibibigay daw nila sa 'kin yung copy ko nung bagong kanta na irerecord namin. Para daw mapakinggan ko na at para malapatan ko ng piano. Ako na lang daw yung hindi nakakapagrecord.

"Pat, sorry natraffic ako eh."sabi ni Migs.

"Uy. Okay lang. Nasa'n si Pao?"

"Ah, sinamahan si Bea eh, kaya ako na lang. Uy, order ka na pala muna. This one's on me."

"Nako, ihanda mo pera mo."biro ko kay Migs. Natawa naman siya. Tinawag niya na yung waiter tapos binigyan na rin kami ng menu. Medyo natagalan pa akong pumili kasi indecisive ako. After ilang minutes, bumalik na rin yung waiter dala yung pagkain namin.

"So, kumusta ka naman Pat?"tanong ni Migs. I can tell from his tone na may gusto siyang malaman.

"Could be better I guess."sagot ko sa kanya. Then he took a slice of his food and ate. Uminom lang siya ng tubig bago siya nagdecide na magsalita ulit.

"Pat, sure ka na ba talaga kay Coelli?"

"Ano ba namang tanong yan Migs?"

"I mean, kasi... look Pat. Ayoko naman makialam. But, as your kuya, don't you think, it's too..."

"Fast?"

"I mean Pat, it was just a month after you and Agnes broke up nung naging kayo ni Coelli, a year after, gusto niyo na magpakasal? Don't you think you're taking things a bit too fast?"

"Bakit Migs, gaano katagal ba dapat?"

"Pat, I'm just being honest. I don't want you to make rash decisions. Besides... you and I both know that there's something bothering you. You're unsure of this." Napabuntong hininga na lang ako sa sinabi ni Migs. We've been friends for so long na hindi ko na kayang magtago sa kanila. Not even lie to them at the minimum.

"Mahal mo ba si Coelli?"tanong ni Migs.

"Oo naman Migs. Bakit ko naman siya papakasalan kung hindi ko siya mahal?"

"Eh si Agnes? Mahal mo ba siya? O mahal mo pa ba siya?" Sabi ko na nga ba eh.

"Bakit mo naman tinatanong yan?" He sighed.

"Pat, I don't want to be the person who would ruin your relationship. But, I think, if you are to be honest with yourself, mahal mo pa si Agnes."

"Migs.."

"Kasi kung hindi mo na siya mahal, then it would be just a straight no. No whys Pat."

"Sa totoo lang Migs, hindi ko na rin alam. I... nalilito na ako sa sarili ko kung bakit ako ganito."

"Pat, I am not in the position to tell you this, but you need to choose."sabi ni Migs.

"Choose what Migs? Kung sasaktan ko si Coelli o kung sasaktan ko si Agnes?"

"Alam mo, I think..."sabi niya sabay uminom siya.

"If you are to choose Agnes, tingin ko masasaktan si Coelli. And I think, you would get hurt too kasi nakasakit ka ng tao. And I know how soft you are Pat. Despite being too feisty all the time..."dagdag niya. I scoffed at him.

"..But, if you are to choose Coelli, I think, masasaktan mo si Agnes. And you would get hurt too, twice. One, for not choosing someone na mas mahal mo naman talaga, and two, for hurting Agnes."sabi niya. Gusto ko sanang sagutin si Migs, but even I believe that. Totoo din naman na hindi ko kayang mawala sa 'kin si Agnes.

"Alam mo, love can be, very beautiful. Pero love can be messy too."sabi ni Migs. "Ayaw man nating may masaktan, we'd still end up doing that anyway. So kung may sasaktan man tayo, at kung masasaktan man tayo, let us choose better. Let's choose kung sino yung mas deserving ng pagmamahal natin." I smiled. Sana ganon lang kadali. Sana I can just toss a coin and be upfront about it.

"Sorry, I didn't want to meddle, and you probably weren't expecting this talk."

"It's okay Migs. I didn't think I needed to hear that as well."sabi ko sa kanya.

"Pat, I'm sorry. I know your wedding is just a few weeks away and here I am talking you to think twice. But I am worried about you. Kasi when you're with us, during gigs, during the band get together, you're the Pat that I know. But when Agnes is not around, and you are back with Coelli, I don't see you there."

"Pat, I'm not saying this kasi kaibigan ko si Agnes. I know that Coelli was there for you for so long. And I know you're getting married. And I'm not trying to talk you out of your marriage. I'm not saying your not happy with Coelli. Kasi I think you are. You're always smiling and you're just always too carefree."sabi ni Migs. Sabay kaming uminom ng tubig.

"Pero Pat, I've seen you around Agnes. Alam kong hindi lang ako yung nakakakita nun. But you are truly happier with her. Your face, it just lights up when you're with Agnes. You just have your reservations now, kasi andyan si Coelli, but no matter how much you try to mask it, you just light up like a Christmas tree."sabi niya. "I don't want to see that fire leave you Pat."

I failed to stop a tear run down my face at nakita ko na na-alarma si Migs dahil bigla akong umiiyak. But all these, is too heavy for me. If I am to be honest, mahal ko pa rin si Agnes. But I'm not even entirely sure kung kaya ko nga bang saktan ng ganon lang si Coelli.

"Pat, I'm not sure if it would help, but here."sabi niya tapos inabot niya sa 'kin yung isang flashdrive.

"What's this?"

"It's the song. Pao and I didn't write it. It was Agnes's song for you. She didn't want you to know. But I think you should. Kasi it's Agnes's letter for you and you deserve to read it."