The Inverse

- 9

PAT'S POV

I don't know what came over me pero when I realized what was happening, nabigla ako sa nangyari kaya I somehow pushed her back.

"Agnes. I..."sabi ko. Teka lang naguguluhan din ako. Ang daming tumatakbo sa isip ko. We both just looked at each other in shock.

"Pat I'm sorry."sabi niya. "I don't know what came over me. I'm sorry. I promised you na I won't do anything to ruin your relationship. I'm sorry."sabi niya then she ran her hand across her face. Naguguluhan din ako. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko ginawa yun. I stood up.

"It just felt like the right thing to do. I just missed this. I miss us."

I just stood there frozen. Those words. Us. Bakit mo sa 'kin sinasabi yan Agnes?

"God Pat, I'm sorry. Pero please don't leave. What I did was inappropriate but please don't leave. It was just a spur of the moment."sabi niya then she hugged me. She was clinging on to my waist while I just stood there. I can feel her grip tighten. Nararamdaman ko yung anxiety ni Agnes. I need to speak. I want to tell her things pero hindi ako makapagsalita.

"I still have a few more hours with you di ba? I still have a few more hours before I let you go."sabi niya and she looked up at me. And all of a sudden I saw tears running down her face. "Pat, please. Don't leave."

"Ako dapat 'to. Ako dapat yan. Tayo dapat yan. Pat, putangina naman kasi. Space lang naman ang hinihingi ko sa 'yo, bakit mo ko iniwan? Bakit tinapon mo lang lahat? Bakit ang bilis Pat?"sabi niya. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Was this my fault? Ako ba talaga ang nang-iwan sa 'ming dalawa?

"Pat, I'm sorry. Don't leave Pat, please. Please."sabi niya. She was shaking and I can feel my blouse getting drenched. She was clinging on to me tightly and her grip is getting tighter. I feel my throat burning. Hindi ko kaya, I'm too weak for this. I can't find my voice. I just cried with Agnes.

"Please don't leave. If this is the last few hours I have with you, then please. Wag mo kong iwan. Pwede bang wag muna? Wag muna ngayon Pat."

My heart is breaking when I know it shouldn't. "Di ko pa kaya Pat. Hindi pa kita kayang i-let go."sabi niya and she held on to me even tighter.

"Pat, mahal na mahal kita. Mahal na mahal kita Pat." I can hear desperation in her voice. I can hear her heart breaking. I can hear mine breaking as well. Tangina Patricia. Ano ba tong gulong ginagawa mo? She was still shaking and she's starting to sound inaudible. She was trying to stop crying pero hindi niya magawa. Hinahabol niya yung paghinga niya pero to no avail, lalo lang siyang umiiyak. Fuck my promises. Agnes deserves better.

Itinayo ko si Agnes at niyakap ko siya. Wala ng point. Walang point to keep my promises. She deserves better. She deserves the truth.

"Agnes mahal din kita."she held on to me even tighter. Her cries are now soundless, but she's still grasping for air. "Agnes, hindi kita iiwan. I'm here. I'm not leaving. I'm yours. I won't leave you. Hindi na ulit."

We just stood there crying until Agnes was finally able to stop herself. We went inside and sat down sa sofa. I feel drained. Nung kalmado na kaming dalawa, yumakap ulit ako sa kanya. This solitude that I feel whenever nakayap ako sa kanya, no one can ever replace this. We both sat in silence and Agnes just sat there with her arms around me. She kissed me in the forehead.

"Pat, can you please stay for the night? For the last time please?"

"Of course love. I'll stay."sabi ko sa kanya. She looked surprised.

"Akala ko ba, we'll keep pretending until the day is done?"sabi ko sa kanya. And finally she smiled. Kahit hindi umabot sa mga mata niya yung ngiti niya, it felt comforting. We just stared at each other for a good couple of seconds. Hindi ko alam kung bakit, but bigla akong naconscious nung tiningnan ako ni Agnes.

"Mahal na mahal kita Pat." I can see tears forming in her eyes again. I took off her glasses. It didn't minimize her burning stare, actually, if anything, it amplified her eyes more and I can see through it even better. I was supposed to wipe her eyes pero iniwas niya yung mukha niya when my hand came in contact.

"Iyakin mo naman eh. Nakakainis."sabi ko sa kanya. She laughed. I hugged her tight and I pressed my ear against her chest habang pareho kaming nakatingin lang sa TV. I can hear the rhytmic beating of her heart. She kissed me in my forehead again.

"Agnes."

"Hm?"sabi niya and then she looked at me.

"I love you."

Hindi ko alam kung anong naisipan ko. But I reached out for her and I kissed her.