The Inverse

- 4

PAT'S POV

I drove back papunta sa condo ni Coelli. I'm still in a daze and still very confused. I parked my car sa parking space ko and I pulled out the thumbdrive. I was just sitting there with shaky hands. I am not sure kung handa na ba akong pakinggan to. I plugged it in sa USB port ng sasakyan and I played it.

Okay, 1.. 2.., 1... 2... 3...

Naririnig kong bumibilang si Pao sa likod. Tumugtog na yung intro at narinig ko na rin yung boses ni Migs.

Kaya namang makayanan, kahit pa na nahihirapan.
Kahit lungkot dumaraan 'pag natuyo na ang luha

I felt something heavy in my chest. Sumasakit yung dibdib ko. There's also this burning feeling in my throat. Bakit ganito? Why did I even listen to this? Kanta lang 'to Pat. Parang lahat ng memories namin together, para siyang alon na bigla na lang tumama sa 'kin. I'm drowning: in tears, in pain, in our memories. Ang tanga mo kasi Pat. You let her go.

Hindi ko na nakikita yung steering wheel, everything's blurred out. Hinahabol ko yung paghinga ko, pero I can't. I'm just here shaking and unable to control myself.

At kahit nabago na ng oras, ang puso ma'y nabutas
Ikaw pa rin sa susunod na habang buhay.

I remember the night we broke up. It was me who said those words when it was never what Agnes's wanted. I started all this mess. All this time I made myself believe na she is to blame for what happened between us, but it was me all along. And now, here I am. Hurting people, hurting Agnes, hurting myself. Pero si Agnes, she never stopped showing me kung gaano niya ako kamahal. She never failed to show me that. She was just hurt kaya siya nawala and she stopped chasing me. I thought she stopped fighting for us, but she didn't. It was me who gave up. It's clear now.

Ikaw pa rin...

I froze. All of a sudden, hindi na si Migs ang naririnig ko. Somehow I feel na she's singing it to me. I can hear Agnes speaking to me. It then dawned on me. Ikaw pa rin Agnes. Ikaw pa rin pala. Ikaw at ikaw pa rin.

... ang pipiliin kong mahalin...

Why did I ever choose to let her go? Why did I even hurt her? I should have just told her the truth nung gabing yun. Bakit hindi ako nagpakatotoo sa kanya? I am free to do so, pero bakit di ko ginawa?

... sa susunod na habang buhay.

This line, it feels like goodbye.

I just sat there sa loob ng sasakyan. So many thoughts were racing in my head nung narinig kong may nagsasalita pa dun sa recording. And that voice, that voice is unmistakably the voice of someone I've longed for.

All this is for me Migs. This is my farewell, but she doesn't need to know that.

Are you saying goodbye Agnes? Is this you letting me go? Please don't. Not yet please. Hindi ako handang i-let go ka. Ayoko Agnes, hindi ko kaya.