The Inverse

- 31

JAM'S POV

I approached the old familiar door and I nervously took the key from my pocket. I took a deep breath, unlocked the door, paused, then I opened it. I didn't know what to expect. To my horror, I saw broken glass shards on the floor. Anong nangyari dito? I walked carefully sa loob. Ang daming basag na bote. And there I saw her sprawled on the floor, unconscious. I can smell alcohol. Sobrang lasing nanaman niya. Kinuha ko yung walis niya at nilinisan ko yung sahig. Siguro natabig niya 'to sa sobrang kalasingan. How long had she been like this?

"Agnes."sabi ko sa kanya.

"Hoy Agnes."ulit ko pero hindi siya nagigising. I checked her pulse. Buhay pa naman. I tried waking her up again and fortunately she stirred. Inangat ko siya at inupo ko sa sofa. Ano bang ginagawa niya sa buhay niya? Mukhang hindi pa rin magigising si Agnes kaya nagdecide ako na ipagluto na lang muna siya ng almusal at magtimpla ng kape. Sigurado akong masakit ulo niya pagkagising.

"Pat?"sabi niya.

"Gago. Ano bang ginagawa mo sa buhay ha Maristella? Ano 'to? Ba't ang daming alak?"

"Sino ka? Jam?"

"Sino pa nga ba?"sabi ko sa kanya. Halos hindi pa rin siya makadilat.

"Ang sakit ng ulo ko. Pucha."sabi niya.

"O. Uminom ka nyan."sagot ko sa kanya habang inaabutan ng gamot at ng tubig.

"Agnes. I know you're hurting. Pero utang na loob naman. Please stop this. Ilang buwan na akong pumupunta dito na lasing ka." Ininom niya na yung gamot at sinandal yung ulo niya sa sofa.

"Ang sakit pa rin Jam."

"Bigyan mo lang ng ilang minuto, kakainom mo palang nung gam--"

"Hindi yung ulo ko."

I sighed. Masyado naman kasi talagang mabilis ang lahat. Kahit kami nagulat. And now that Agnes stopped being with the band, wala na rin siyang outlet for her feelings. After leaving the studio, inabot ko na rin siyang nag-iinom and things went downhill from there. First time na nagmahal ni Agnes, and now, this is her first time getting hurt too. So I would understand why it is so destructive for her. Pero kahit anong sabihin ko kay Agnes, I can't get through.

"Agnes. I am worried. Can you please stop this?"

"Jam."sabi niya and I can already see tears forming in her eyes.

"Hindi ko pa rin naiintindihan Jam. Paano niya nagawang ipagpalit na lang ako agad? Balewala lang ba yung ilang taon namin? Bakit ang bilis niya lang akong tinapon?"sabi ni Agnes then she covered her face at umiyak na lang.

Everyday, for the past few months, ganito ko laging inaabutan si Agnes and we would normally just spend the day like this hanggang sa tawagan na lang ako ni Migs na pumunta sa studio for rehearsal.

I waited until Agnes finally stopped crying. Hindi mo na halos makita yung mga mata niya sa sobrang mugto. Agnes was just staring at the ceiling habang nakasandal yung ulo niya sa sofa.

"Agnes, please stop this. Kung andito si Pat, hindi siya matutuwa sa nakikita niya."sabi ko sa kanya. But I know Agnes is not listening. She's in a far off place again. Sa totoo lang, nahihirapan na rin ako sa kanya. But I know that no one else will take care of her, so I needed to do this. Kasi alam kong she would do the same for me.

I stood up from the couch at nagluto na ng lunch namin ni Agnes. I know she won't be able to do anything again. Narinig kong tumayo rin si Agnes at pumasok sa studio niya. She rarely goes in there kaya nagtataka ako kung bakit. She went out and she came near me as she sat down sa table. Nilapag niya dun yung isang maliit na box. Bigla akong natigilan.

"I was supposed to propose."she said quietly it almost sounded like a whisper. I looked at her. She was just staring at the box.

"I asked her na after we record the album, after we have done our tours, I asked her na magpunta kami ng Japan. I was planning to propose sa Disneyland. Kasi Pat has always been a Disney baby. I've had the ring since our first anniv. Jam, I had been sure of her since day 1 na I told her na gusto ko siya."sabi ni Agnes.

She was ready. Tapos ganito. Fuck.

I didn't even know what to tell her. We both just stared at the box. She's just been waiting for the proper moment. And now, that chance just disappeared. Agnes just covered her face and started crying again. I held on to Agnes and I tried to console her. Day in and day out, I would just watch her drink or cry. There's just no in between.

To be honest, minsan gusto kong sabihin sa banda na puntahan nila si Agnes and to check up on her. I mean, the more eyes on her, the better. Natatakot kasi ako na baka kung anong gawin ni Agnes sa sarili niya or baka from all these, baka tuluyan na lang bumigay yung katawan niya. Pero laging sinasabi ni Agnes na ayaw nyang malaman nila. Ayaw niyang makita nila siya at this state. She wants them to always think that she's doing okay. Lalo na si Pat. She told me to never tell Pat of how she is, or of how much she is hurting. Sabi niya ayaw niyang maging sagabal sa happiness ni Pat.

I told Karelle what happened pero wala din siyang magawa. What we both know is that we are both trying to cover up for Agnes sa family niya. We didn't want them to worry kaya kahit kami napipilitang magsinungaling at sabihing okay lang siya. But Agnes is far from being okay. Agnes had lost too much weight already dahil madalas ayaw niyang kumain. Susubo lang ng konti tapos ayaw na. Hinanda ko na yung pagkain at lumapit na rin si Agnes.

"Jam."

"O?"

"Thank you."sabi niya. Ano ba 'to? Lasing pa rin?

"For?"

"For not leaving."