The Inverse

- 33

AGNES'S POV

Nasa studio na ulit kami ng banda to start the rehearsal nung songs namin at malapit na ring kaming magrecord. I'm still wondering kung bakit until now wala pa rin si Pat sa studio. Never siyang nalate for a session kasi maaga siyang umaalis and Pat has always been organized. She respects other people's time kaya she's always early. Okay lang kaya siya?

"While waiting for Pat, siguro magrun na muna tayo?"sabi ni Miguel. Tumango lang kami.

Halos isang buwan na kaming hindi nakakapagusap. Nagkakausap kami pero mostly tungkol sa banda lang. Nothing personal and not even small talks. At habang hindi kami nagkikita, I took this time to improve on myself. I tried doing web design again and I tried scoring again with old clips that I have. I even made some song covers kasi this is something that I stopped doing dahil I wanted to help Pat in all her projects. It made me happy, but of course, I wanted to do something for myself as well.

Since I have been working on my scoring and my web designs, I have decided to finally start on my business. Sayang naman pinag-aralan ko. Nag-aantay na lang ako ng permits and I'll finally launch it and I will fix things between us and Pat, kasi now I have something na pwede kong ipagmalaki rin sa kanya. Pat never made me feel insecure, but I still want her to be proud of me for something I've done. After ng project na 'to, I'll finally have the time to fix things between us. Yung isang buwan away from Pat made me feel happy but it was meaningless kasi wala naman si Pat. This was supposed to be for our future. Pero kung wala rin siya, then what's the point?

"Jam."

"What?"

"Nakapagdecide na ako and I need your help."

"G. What's on your mind?"

"I think I'm ready to get back together with Pat. Tulungan mo naman ako. I'm planning to surprise her next week."

"Sige. Ano yun?"

"Well I haven't really planned it in full. Gusto ko lang sana na--"

Biglang bumukas yung pinto at pumasok si Pat. Nagulat ako na kasama niya si Coelli. Bakit sila magkasama?

"Guys sorry nalate ako. We lost track of time and medyo natraffic kami ni Coelli. Ah nga pala guys, si Coell nga pala..."

"Girlfriend niya."sabi ni Coelli. I stood there frozen. Anong sinasabi nito?

I looked at Pat. She looked surprised as well. I was waiting for her to say something pero she didn't say anything. Bakit hindi ka nagdi-disagree Pat?

"So totoo ba Pat?"sabi ni Andrew. I saw Pat nod.

Wala sa ming nagsasalita. I know all of them were surprised too. Nakita kong tumingin sa 'kin si Migs pati si Jam.

"Teka lang."sabi ni Andrew. He looked at Pat tapos tiningnan niya ako. He probably saw the look of horror on my face and just how clueless I am.

Hindi ako makahinga. Feeling ko umiikot yung paligid. I feel disoriented. Everything is overwhelming. I can't breathe. Nahihilo ako. I'm overwhelmed. I need air. Hindi ko na natiis.

I need air.

●●●●

JAM'S POV

Nagmamadaling lumabas ng studio si Agnes. Nakita ko na susunod sana si Pat sa kanya pero bigla siyang pinigilan ni Coelli. What the hell? Napailing na lang ako. Lumabas na rin ako para sundan si Agnes pero hindi ko na siya nakita.

Pumunta ako sa parking pero wala na rin yung sasakyan niya. Agnes just left. Bumalik na ako sa studio para kunin yung gamit ni Agnes.

"Guys." I took a deep breath. "I think Agnes left. Siguro bukas na lang tayo magrecord."

Wala sa kanilang sumasagot. Nagtitinginan lang kaming lahat sa studio. Kahit si Pat hindi siya nagsasalita. Pero hindi ko na naantay na may magdecide pa sa kanila. I just grabbed Agnes's things at umalis na rin ako. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko siya hahanapin.

Pumunta ako sa condo ni Agnes. Man, today is such a disaster. Ano ba kasing naisipan ni Pat at pinakilala niya pa sa 'ming lahat yung bago niyang girlfriend? And I don't get it. It was just a month. I tried ringing her doorbell pero walang sumasagot. Nakita ko naman yung kotse niya sa parking slot niya so I know she's here. Sinubukan ko ulit.

I was supposed to ring the doorbell again nung biglang bumukas yung pinto at sinalubong ako ni Agnes.

"Jam..."sabi niya tapos pumasok kaming dalawa sa loob.

"I guess, it's not yet this universe."sabi ni Agnes then she broke off into tears. Niyakap ko lang siya.

I still don't understand kung bakit sila naghiwalay. Agnes would not tell us the reason, and clearly, Pat is now okay.

"Jam I thought we're both using this time to think things through? Bakit ang bilis-bilis naman? I just want us to... bakit ganon? Jam alam ko naman na ako yung humingi ng space na 'to eh. Space di ba? Pero bakit..." she sniffed tapos bumitaw siya sa 'kin. Umupo lang din siya sa sofa.

"... Jam paano niya ako nagawang iwan? Paano niya nagawang itapon lang lahat to? Jam... Ang tagal-tagal na namin. We've been together all these years. I've loved her all these years..Bakit ang dali niya lang tinapon?"sabi ni Agnes then she covered her face.

"Ganon lang ba ako ka dispensable sa buhay niya? Ganon na lang ba ako kadaling bitawan? Am I that easy to lose? Am I not worth it?"sabi niya then she just cried there silently.

"...Am I not what she deserves?"dagdag niya. I don't even know what to tell her. Alam kong nasasaktan siya ng sobra, a while ago she was ready to fix things with Pat and a few seconds later she would then find out na wala na siyang pag-asa.

"Jam..." she sniffed.

"Agnes hindi ko rin masasagot yung tanong mo. All I know is, andyan na yan. Its either you do something about it o you don't."

Agnes fell asleep on the couch after all the crying. I know Agnes is a strong person but she is one of the kindest person I've ever known. She's very passionate, pero Agnes can also be very soft. Kaya I am not sure how Agnes will take in all of these. I didn't bother to wake her up. Nilagyan ko lang siya ng kumot at hinayaan ko na muna siyang magpahinga. She deserves to rest. Kahit ngayon man lang muna.

Rest well Agnes. You've got a long fight ahead of you. Hindi ko alam kung bakit yun nagawa ni Pat, but she has her reasons. I hope she has a good one.