JB4: The Lost Doctor [BXB] [√]

43

Alaric Ian Juariz

I glanced at the haggard face reflected on the mirror. I looke better than I did yesterday. No more unshaved beard and messy hair but the dark circles in my eyes looks so bad.

Tatlong taon. Tatlong taon na ang nakakalipas simula noong mawala siya sa akin. Tatlong taon na ang nakakalipas simula ng iwanan niya ako ng walang pasabi. The day Piyo went out of this room, he brought my sunshine along with him. Everything in my life became so dark again after he left me.

Araw-araw para akong nangangapa sa dilim. Everyday was like a punishment for everything that I did.  Hindi ko alam kung saan tutungo ang buhay ko. The first two years, I was still full of hope. Pero ngayon? Unti-unti ng nasisira ang pag-asang 'yon.

Halos libutin ko na ang buong mundo mahanap lang siya pero wala akong Piyo na makita. It was exhausting but I can't just give up that easily. Alam kong buhay pa siya. I know my sunshine is out there alive. Pero hindi ko alam kung saan ko siya hahanapin. Hindi ko na alam.

Everyone around me are moving forward with their life. And here I am, still stucked in past. Nagpapakalunod sa lungkot at sakit.  Everything in my life, no matter how hard I try to keep it together, is getting terrible. Unti-unting gumuguho ang mundo ko sa bawat pagdaan ng araw na wala si Ian.

Ting!

My sms ringtone woke me up from my thoughts. Kinuha ko mula sa lamesa ang cellphone ko at binuksan iyon. A sigh escaped from my lips when I saw who it came from. This is the fifteenth message I received from her. Every message contains the same commanding content.

Kahit alam ko naman kung ano ang nakapaloob doon binuksan ko pa rin ito at binasa. I was hoping she'd give up from forcing me with her shits.

Alaric Ian Juariz, you will attend the party later. No excuses!

Mamita.

She is always forcing her will on other people. She doesn't give a fuck with what we feel or what we think. As long as she wants it, she'll absolutely have it. Hindi naman sa tino-tolerate namin siya but my mom pleaded us to do what she wants. The last time I tried to fight back, sa hospital ang bagsak niya.

If it weren't for my mom, I would have allowed that old hag to die in that fcking hospital bed.

Napahilot ako sa noo ko. Pabagsak kong inilagay ang cellphone ko sa lamesa. She wants me to attend? Fine! I'll make sure this will be the last time she's going to order me around like this.

Dumiretso ako sa walk in closet ko at kinuha mula doon ang suit na inihanda ni mommy kagabi. Pabalibag ko itong itinapon sa kama ko saka niluwagan ang suot-suot kong kurbata. I took off everything except my boxers before I head off to the bathroom.

Mabilis akong naglinis ng katawan bago lumabas ng paliguan. Dinampot ko iyong dress shirt at isinuot. Hinayan kong nakabukas ang unang tatlont butones nito saka ipinatong ang velvet suit. I did not bother putting on the tie dahil walang kwentang party lang naman ang pupuntahan ko.

Pagkatapos kong magsuot ng sapatos, bumalik ako sa side table para kunin doon ang susi ko sa sasakyan. But instead of picking up the car key, ang picture frame sa tabi nito ang dinampot ko. One corner of my mouth tugged slightly upward at the sight of my husband.

I miss him. I miss Piyo so damn much. I miss his gummy smiles, his eyes, his lips, his kisses, his sweetness, his hugs. I miss waking up beside him. I miss hugging him to sleep. I miss hearing his voice. I miss him a lot it fuckxng hurts.

I wonder if he misses me too? Iniisip din kaya niya ako tuwing umaga? Tuwing gabi? Mahal pa rin kaya niya ako?

Those questions remained in my head until I reached the venue. Hindi ako dumaan sa main door ng mansion. Doon ako dumaan sa backdoor ng kitchen. I don't want to attract any unwanted attention. I am not in the mood to entertain anybody even if they wanted to talk about business shit.