Random Frozen Story

Telemarketers (Chapter 87)

Phone: RING RING

Elsa: Hello.

Phone: May I speak to the head of the household? -it's a lady-

Elsa: Speaking.

Phone: How many times have you asked yourself the following question: Where are my keys?

Elsa: I don't have keys. -hangs up-

Later...

Phone: RING RING

Anna: Hi.

Phone: Hello. May I speak to the head of the household?

Anna: Speaking.

Phone: I have a great deal here for Exotic Scented Soaps and Lotions! -it's a lady-

Anna: Whoa... cool....

Phone: You get two bars of soap and one 12 ounce bottle of lotion for five easy payments of $34.99!

Anna: WHOA! -hangs up-

Later, after telemarketers have called back 10 times...

Elsa: I CAN'T TAKE THE SOUND OF THE PHONE ANYMORE!

Anna: I know! It's so annoying...

Hans: I tried to take a nap but the phone woke me up and tried to sell me overpriced floral arrangements.

AK: Kristoff, you're the only one who doesn't seem bothered by this.

Kristoff: -takes out ear plugs- What? I had earplugs in because the phone won't stop ringing.

Phone: RING RING

Olaf: That makes eleven telemarketer calls today.

AK: It's time we teach them a lesson! -grins and rubs hands mischievously-

Phone: RING RING

AK: Hello?

Phone: Hello, may I speak to the head of the house?

AK: Speaking.

Phone: Are you interested in buying...

AK: Hey, are you interested in buying used car doors? They're only $78,000 dollars each! -insert ten minutes of rambling about the benefits of car doors- Oh my boss is calling. Toodles! -hangs up-

Elsa: Wow! The other guy didn't even get a word in! You're good!

AK: -bows- I try.

Later...

Phone: RING RING

Hans: Yellow.

Phone: May I speak to the head of the house?

Hans: Speaking. (Thinking: I gotta remember all the stuff AK taught us)

Phone: Are you interested in buying some Beach Blanket TM genuine leather sandals?

Hans: What are sandals?

Phone: Shoes.

Hans: What's leather?

Phone: What shoes are made of.

Hans: THE VOICES ARE SPEAKING.

Phone: Um, sir...?

Hans: Did the waffle sleep today?

Phone: ...Um... Sir...?

Hans: -mocking- Um sir? Um sir? Um sir? Um sir?

Phone: ...

Hans: WOMBATS!

Phone: ... -click-

Hans: NAILED IT ! -slams the phone down and does a victory dance-

Later...

Phone: RING RING

Anna: Hola!

Phone: Hello, may I speak to the head of the house?

Anna: Yo Hablo.

Phone: ...Would you like to buy a universal stereo system and TV?

Anna: No me gusta la telévision.

Phone: Quieres comprar una telé?

Anna: (Thinking: Dang it, she speaks Spanish too) Er.... No.

Phone: La telé es muy bueno...

Anna: NECESITO IR! -hangs up-

Later...

Phone: RING RING

Kristoff: Hi- lo.

Phone: May I speak to the head of the house?

Kristoff: Speaking.

Phone: Would you like to get a lovely birthday present for the special woman in your life?

Kristoff: Oh, well, uh, my wife was seriously mutilated in a freak accident at a sewage treatment facility in Albuquerque and she divorced me.

Phone: Oh...

Kristoff: But hey, you don't sound too bad...

Phone: ...

Kristoff: If you were a condiment, you'd be hot sauce!

Phone: Uh, thank you...?

Kristoff: You sound like a pretty lady. Wanna go on a date?

Phone: ...

Kristoff: Come on! On a scale of one to ten, you're nine, and I'm the one that you need!

Phone: I, uh, I'm married, with two kids...

Kristoff: -fake cries- I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME! -hangs up-

Later...

Phone: RING RING

Olaf: Hello.

Phone: May I speak to the head of the house?

Olaf: ... -doesn't say anything, just breathes loudly into the phone-

Phone: I said, may I speak to the head of the house?

Olaf: ... -breathes loudly-

Phone: Hello?

Olaf: ...

Phone: Hello?

Olaf: ...

Phone: -click-

Olaf: I DID IT! WOO!

One hour later...

AK: I can't believe it! We've been telemarketer free for about an hour!

Phone: RING RING

Elsa: Never mind. -picks it up- Hello? Hello? Hello? No ones there. That's weird. Hello?

Meanwhile...

BDM: Good. You've got them distracted, my awesome minion.

????: Partner.

BDM: -_- Fine, Partner. Now that they're distracted, it's time for my part of the plan!

????: -evil laugh-

BDM: You're evil laugh needs work, but it'll do for now.

????: -.-

(AN: Who is ????...? The world may never know! Well, I know who it is, and BDM knows who it will be, but it is our secret for now! MWA HA HA HA HA!)