The Warmest Winter✓

Sixty-one

"Ma'am, I have an idea!" Lisa pops in cheerily, disrupting my intense reverie after the news I've just seen and read. "We can buy a new—"

"Not now, Lisa." I interrupt her while mopping the unshed tears in my eyes. I turn around and take a glimpse of her surprised face. "I'm not in the best mood, Lisa. Tell Mrs. Prescott that I'll have my food later. I'll be in my room." 

"Okay," Lisa replies warily. "I'm sleeping here tonight, Ma'am. Call me if you need anything!"

"Mmm." I don't have the energy to answer, so I just walk away with my half-broken heart. 

I slam the bedroom door and lean against it. Sighing heavily, my eyes land on my wedding band coupled with the engagement ring. All the moments in which I had these rings put on my finger come back to mind, and a smile appears on my face at the memory. 

I was happy. I am still happy. But why do these rings feel too heavy today?

I run my palm on my face and slowly I advance further into the room. It's only four in the evening, the December sun flouncing deeply into the thick winter clouds after the pause of the rain. My gaze stays on the window for a while, transfixed, my mind blank.

A fifth phone buzz manages to pull me away from the window. I see Sam's text asking if I'm okay, but I find it rather foolish of her to ask. Of course I'm not okay, and I hate that she had me see that article as if it's something pleasant. Maybe she meant well, but I feel awful.

I'm super angry and Liam is the least of my favorite people at this moment. Madly, I draft a message with an attachment of the same article. Jealousy, fear, insecurity; they all manifest their ominous power through my written words as I send the message to him.

Indeed you make a great couple. I just wonder why you didn't marry her instead. 
[Sent]

He's not online so the message stays unread for a good while.

I bind up the windows and darkness pools inside the bedroom. Another breath leaves my lips, and somehow I'm self-loathed by this immature reaction of mine. Sending him a message? Perhaps I could've handled it better like a fledged woman, right?

"Fuck maturity!" I turn the phone off.

If I speak to Liam, or anyone right now, I'm going to be nasty and bitchy. In that case, I better disconnect from the world so that I find my composure back. Maybe he has some kind of explanation to this—deeply I hope with all my heart.

For now I just want to close my eyes and drift. Slowly, I wander back into bed and lay down on my side. But as I expected, sleeping becomes an endeavor that's difficult to accomplish. All I see is my husband and that woman, together.  

"Damn it!" I groan frustrated, not knowing how to pretend that it doesn't affect me.

What am I supposed to do in these kinds of situations? I wish I had my mom to guide me through this. I wish I knew the right way to deal with this circumstance before it drives me crazier than I already am. 

***

The morning comes with difficulty. I wake early and go straight to the kitchen for breakfast. God, I'm starving! My stomach doesn't seem to have any reserve left as it rumbles loudly from the skipped dinner last night.

And lunch too? I need to get my shits together or else I'll get sick.

"Yes, sir." Lisa is on the phone as I barrel down through the stairs. 

Sir? I frown a bit.

"Mmm, okay. I'll tell her," she says and nods, a telephone in her ear. 

I stalk into the foyer, and Lisa's eyes meet mine. She nods again and the conversation ends as she finally lowers the telephone.