My Best Friend's Secret Baby

I need you...

She locked herself in her room, something she had never done for the 5 years we lived together in our shared apartment. We had always used only her room for sleeping. I barely used my room. It just served as a place to put my things in, especially my wardrobe, but we mainly sleep together in Mina unnies' room.

I have always been afraid of sleeping alone since I was a kid, and she knows that. It may be funny for others that my mom had always hugged me every night till I fall asleep, before going back to their room. This was because I always had nightmares whenever I slept alone, what's even worse is that I literally cannot sleep if I am alone in my room. I fear that monsters and ghosts are going to get me. And I especially hate it when I am alone in the dark. Childish, I know, but fears cannot be taken lightly. Trust me. I know, because the panic attack I get because of this fear is no joke.

This was why when we decided to move in together in an apartment near our workplace, Mina unnie decided to have me sleep with her. She is that kind and considerate, but maybe she decided that I don't deserve her kindness and consideration tonight after what I did.

I wiped my watery eyes, as I held my clutch tighter and went inside my room and settled my bag. I showered and changed, before finally laying on my unfamiliar bed. The bed seems so uncomfortable without Minari, even if this is literally the same brand and kind of mattress in the other room.

I don't know how long I was staring blankly in the ceiling, letting my tears freely fall. Why does not having her by my side hurt so much? I know what I did was wrong. I've been a bad and inconsiderate bestfriend, making her worry and sad because of my thoughtlessness, but I wish she didn't shut me out like that.

No. Stupid! It was your fault, so bear with the consequences. My brain argued. That's right; I made my bed, now I have to lie on it. So, this means I won't get to sleep tonight, right? Better put my time to good use then.

I stood up, settling on my study table by hopping and started to sketch. If there is something I can say I am good at, I can proudly say it's art. It's one way that I can express myself. My feelings. My thoughts. My emotions. Drawing and painting, and sometimes writing, puts my heart at ease. It helps me calm myself and forget my problems. So, I started with a few strokes of my pencil freely, till I realized that what took form from my drawing was the face of Mina unnie. I was absent-mindedly drawing her gorgeous face and her beautiful gummy smile, complete with her unique and charming beauty marks, which were placed so carefully on her face that they look like a constellation.

When I got to finish, I wasn't able to stop myself from crying yet again. I really miss my other half. I miss my Minari.

I was quietly sobbing for minutes when a sudden black-out shook my system.

I unintentionally screamed, dropping the sketchpad and pencil I was previously clutching, quickly burying my face on knees and hugging them to my chest. Soon, I was having my panic attack. That I am sure of. I was trying to breathe properly, counting in my head, again and again, trying calm myself, when I felt someone turning my body and hugging me tight, rubbing her hand on my back, whispering soothing words.

"It's okay Chaengie. I'm here. You don't have to be afraid. You're not alone. You have me. Please, breathe with me. I'm so sorry..." I can sense that she was crying too, based from the cracking of her voice, but she was trying so hard to help me breathe properly, and I never felt more safe.