•This is Real• [Diabolik Lovers × Male! OC]

Chapter 55: I identify as an attack helicopter

Eve.

What the flying fu-

Kou coughed.

"That's right," Ruki added, confirming the blonde's words, much to my dismay. "It appears that due to this particular situation we are in, the girl who was meant to be Eve carried no such power in her." Ruki elaborated, shutting the pocketbook in his hands with a snap as if to emphasize the factual nature of his words.

'damn, is that why he always carries that book around? It's hella sassy.'

"Wait," I put up both hands, "how is that even possible? Heck, how would you guys even know? Do you have some Eve Compass™ or something?" I wave my arms about, the jumbled nature of the movement perfectly matching my brain that currently looked like that one scene from Given when Uenoyama had a bunch of tiny hims in his head screaming at each other.

"Karlheinz," Yuma piped up. "Says he caught wind of something fishy."

"Okay but that still doesn't explain-"

"Your world has been splintered, with you in the centre of the split." Ruki cut me off. 'damn they really gitta stop doing that- WAIT!'

"That...! Where did you hear that?!" I call out in surprise as I eventually process the familiarity of the words. 'That's what Fate said to me...'

"Karlheinz," Ruki to the rescue again. "It seems this was the last message he received before communication with a confidant of his broke off."

"That was when he moved those purebreed bastards here," Yuma added in, spite evident in his words. 'wait...that's kind of a paradox...'

Kou snickered and placed an arm around me. "He soent the past year looking for Eve, who would've thought you were right here~" he gave a wink but I pushed him away. "Wait wait, hold on, isn't Yui, Eve? That's how it was in the anime so-"

"the...church girl..." Azusa finally spoke.

'I feel like a mom who's baby just said his first words....'

"Yes! Her! She attends a church nearby!" I say, recalling the blonde girl I had met. "Ah~ the almost sacrificial bride~"

'almost?'

"We rejected remember? We're more desperate for you than you realise~" Kou leans in to whisper in my ear. I send him a scowl and duck out of his hold once again.

"Well okay but isn't Eve supposed to be a girl? Yknow as in Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve?" I reason, basically grabbing at straws at this point. "Hey no judgement if you swing that way though, I happen to not give two craps about gender," I hold my hands up in defense. "BUT YEAH! ISNT EVE MEANT TO BE A GIRL?!"

"You look like a girl anyways..." I hear Yuma mutter to himself and I glare at him. "I ASSURE YOU I HAVE A SPERM DELIVERY DEVICE RIGHT HERE!" I yell, pointing at my nether regions.

Not my brightest moment but screw him if he thought I'd let him get away with that.

The room turns silent except for the loud blush that errupts on Yuma's face, echoed by the muffled laughter of Kou who was giggling into his arm to conceal the sound but failed miserably.

"Either way," Ruki raised his voice and snapped his book shut again. "It doesn't matter what you are, there is no doubt, you are Eve." We lock eyes and I can practically hear the dramatic background music that would normally play in these situations in the anime. Not complaining though, the soundtrack is BOMB.

"OKAY FINE! assuming I am Eve-"

"you... are..."

I turn to snap at the mosquito but see Azusa's moonlit face and turn back. "Ok, CONSIDERING THAT I AM EVE, do we have any other information about this situation?" I run a hand through my hair, utterly exasperated.

"If Richter is now involved, as you say, and he wishes to overthrow Karlheinz..." Kou muttered. "Maybe he is trying to harness the powers of Adam," Damn, Kou actually making logical conclusions? I must be sleeping, someone pinch me.

"But, if he did require Eve, why did he go through the trouble of fracturing the universe just to butt into my reality?" I sigh, plopping onto the floor, legs crossed. "And why the hell did he drag us into this?!" Yuma grumbled and I stuck my tongue out at him but quickly stuffed it back in as his glare snapped to me.

"Wait isn't Karlheinz stronger than Richter? If Karlheinz couldn't do this, how did Richter?" Ah, I swear its impossible to wrap my smooth brain around this.

"Well either way, if his goal is Eve," Ruki stalked towards me. "We just have to make sure you don't fall into his hands." Ruki grabbed me by the elbow and hoisted me up. His eyes bore into mine as he lugged me onto my feet. "I can get up on my OWWWWNN?!??!?!"

In the middle of my protest, the damn mosquito had tossed me like a haversack, over his shoulder.

"YOU LITTLE-!" And despite the slew of elegant words that left my lips, he refused to set me down as we trudged towards the door. I squirmed like I was doing some interpretative dance about the life of an inchworm, raining my fists of fury down on his back to no avail. He carried me all the way to the main hall,  Azusa hovering behind us with his hands in a brace position im front of him, tensing everytime I lurched a bit too much for his liking.

Ugh I love that boy.

Then, I entered the hall butt first, my suspicions that the Sakamaki's would be there confirmed when a certain fedora wearing pervert spoke.

Well he catcalled,

then he spoke.

"This is a nice sight, Bitch-chan~"

'that fking bitch might just make me, a raging bisexual, become homophobic.'