Casual Sabotage

30 - Guilt

The next day he visited Fiona in her diner in the evening. While she moved in with her boyfriend over a year ago, she still showed up at the Gallagher house pretty often. She wasn't used to not being in control over the whole thing. She was prepared in case the whole situation would collapse after all and she had to come back to save the day. But most of the Gallaghers were grown up by now. Lip was 25, Ian would turn 24 in October, Debbie was 18 and a mom, Carl 17 and Lip would turn 11 this year – they didn't need their older sister to play mommy anymore.

Fiona was happy to see her brother, hugged him and ruffled his hair, Ian couldn't even bring himself to form a smile. He sat down at the counter, the diner was almost empty.

"So, what's up? I heard the wedding was cancelled since the police aren't interested in Mickey anymore."
Ian nodded, "I made a mistake, Fi", he mumbled.
"Oh, what kind of mistake?"
"With cancelling the wedding... the way I – I went about it... Mickey broke up with me", he scrunched up his face to not start crying again.

Fiona looked down at him compassionately, "Oh, Ian, I'm sorry. Lip told me he didn't show up at the house in days, but not that you really broke up."
Ian nodded, "I talked to him yesterday. He, uhm, he gave me an ultimatum. Either I marry him or we're over."

Fiona licked over her bottom lip, "Oh", she mumbled, "Well, what are you gonna do?"
Ian shrugged, "I don't know... I don't want to lose him, but I don't know... this whole wedding thing... I don't know if I should do it, you know?... what do you think?"

Fiona breathed out of his nose and shook her head, "Honestly? Don't marry him."
"What?"
"I don't deny I've never been Mickey's #1 fan. I'm sure he was a good boyfriend, he helped with the meds a lot, sure. But marriage? Gallaghers and marriage don't mix well. It's pointless for us, all that will happen to your relationship when you get married is that it goes to shit. And then you have get a divorce and if you get a divorce you probably will also have to pay alimony for him or some shit. It's not worth it."

Ian sighed, "I'm afraid of that too", he mumbled, "A divorce isn't as simple as a break-up. I don't ever want to break up with him actually, but... I don't know, this is all so messy.", he out his face into his palms.

Fiona nodded, "Ian, you can always find someone else", she said softly.
"I don't want anyone else. He's the best I could ever have."
"That's not true. Don't put yourself down like this, you can find someone better, someone, who doesn't make you choose like this. Mickey should be happy that he had a person like you, you're way too good for some violent Milkovich."

Ian shook his head and looked at her angrily, "What are you even saying? Mickey was the best boyfriend I could ever ask for, if one isn't good enough for the other here, it's me who isn't good enough for him."

Fiona sighed, "Ian... Lip told me what really happened", she confessed.
"What do you mean?"
She gave him a look, "He hit you."

Ian looked at her with an open mouth, he lifted his hand and touched the area around his eye which was still bruised.

"Only once", Ian mumbled, "He was angry and drunk, he didn't-"
"You already start sounding like some abused girlfriend. I once met one of Iggy's girlfriends. Milkoviches are all the same after all. At first, the whole 'dangerous thug' thing may be fun and exciting and hot, because he's hitting anyone but you - until he does."

Ian crossed his arms in front of his chest, "Mickey isn't abusive or anything, Fi. He hit me once while he was in deep emotional distress and was breaking up with me. Mickey isn't his dad."
"Once a man starts hitting, he doesn't just stop again. Especially not if you let him get away with it. And now? Either you marry him or he beats you to a pulp, or what?"