Casual Sabotage

31 - Nightmare

The following chapter is a nightmare/dream scene.

Trigger Warning:  sexual assault/rape and violence

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Mickey stood in front of him. Ian was looking at him out of his own eyes, at the same, in episodes, he looked at the scene from the outside, as if he was simultaneously himself and a ghost or someone else, who was watching a movie.

Mickey and he were fighting, Mickey held the pill bottles, shook them in front of Ian's eyes, he wanted Ian to take them. Ian in his ghostly state noticed a ring on Mickey's finger covering the letter u on his knuckles.

Ian slapped Mickey's hands away, he jumped up and jumped through the living room to the kitchen.

Ian could barely understand his own words, but whatever he said seemed to upset Mickey, who stared at him worriedly.

The scenery started to get dark and flimsy, blurry – then it was another scene. He saw Mickey walking up the stairs of the Gallagher house.

He wasn't himself, no he was in the ghostly state.

He watched Mickey opening the door to their bedroom. And then he saw himself on the bed fucking someone. Someone else who wasn't Mickey. Upon seeing Mickey, he barely reacted. He looked at him and he grinned and he laughed and he said: "Join in, it's fun."

There were drugs on the bed and there was booze on the bedside table and there were no meds. Somehow Ian knew, he had flushed the pills and he hadn't taken them for a long time.

In his ghostly state, he watched Mickey – and the scariest thing was: it didn't seem to be a new scene.

No, no this Mickey already knew this situation. He looked as hurt as he probably was able to feel hurt since he was also completely drunk. Ian now noticed this. Mickey clumsily walked over to the bed, took one of the bottles standing next to the bed, he took a swing and then crushed the bottle on the other man's head.

No, this wasn't a new scene to either of them, except to the guy underneath Ian maybe.

In his ghostly state, Ian wondered, what they would do with the man now. Was he still alive? Did Mickey kill him? What would Ian do? Would they bury him in the backyard? What was all of this about?

Mickey was drunk and Ian was manic and he didn't even seem to give a fuck. He would probably keep fucking the guy underneath him even if he was dead and then probably would let him rot in the bed afterwards.

Now Mickey started screaming and yelling at him. Incomprehensive things, sentences that didn't seem to belong to each other, as if they were taken from different conversations and different fights that were all about the same situation, all mashed together.

And Ian in his ghostly state wanted to cry, but the Ian sitting on the bed, who was also he himself, and he could again switch between looking out of his eyes or look at the scene from afar, he didn't seem to care. He was unfazed by Mickey's temper tantrum.

He stood up from the bed and he pushed Mickey against the dressed and he kissed him and he laughed and he said: "Don't take everything so seriously, Mickey. Just want to have some fun, can't you ever understand that? Do you always have to come with your pills and your meds – you know I don't like them. I thought we had that: You won't make me take them anymore, huh?" and he kissed him again and Mickey pushed him away and Ian didn't care, barely even noticed.

"In good times, bad", Ian said now and the words burned Ian's ears, "You married me, you have to deal with this. You said, you would deal with it. You said you won't make me take them. And we're married you can't take it bahack", he kept talking in a sing-song voice, "Sickness and health, good times, bad, richer or poorer – even though we're all poor and we're only gonna be even poorer because you drink and snort all our money away."