Miserable at Best

Chapter 15: A Daughter's Suffering

Author's Note:

Hey pips! ^_^ Guess what? :3 I'm gonna have a lot more time for updates!! Woohoo!!! XD
Buut it's still not sure.. 0+0
Oh well, let's not problem that for now and just!!! Enjoy this chapter!! ^_^

          I slowly made my way up to the porch of the house. I tried to peek inside through the window but the curtains are all down. So there's no other choice but to get inside the house. Hesitantly, I put my hand on the brass knob and twisted it. Then I pushed the door open until I can see the whole house clearly. I stepped inside and looked around. My heart almost melt when I saw the whole interior of the house. It's still messed up and dirty, but I can say nothing has changed.

I went directly to the stairs and slowly approached the rooms. I quietly made my way to my room. It's still messy and all my clothes are everywhere. The same scene as I left it when my dad kicked me out. Then I go out and left the door open. I slowly walked up to my father's door and decided to check him. I tried to open it, but the door is locked. I sighed and turned around to walk back to my room and clean it. But I was about to get in when my father suddenly stepped out of his room with a gun in his hand.

"Who the fuck is in there?!!!" He shouted and swayed his arms around.

I gasped and jolted up when he pointed the gun to my place.

"D-daddy!! Daddy i-it's m-me... A-A-Amanda...." I stuttered shaking and threw my hands up in the air.

His hands were shaking as he held the gun tightly. But he slowly put it down as his face softened and his features calmed down.

"Amanda?..." He said curiously. "W-what... What are you doing here?... A-a-... Aren't you dead?..." He asked stuttering.

My eyes widened and my heart dropped. I almost collapsed when his words registered in my mind. I didn't realize that I've gone missing for so long that he actually thought I'm already dead.

His words stung my heart deeply. What more hurting than everything that I experienced is knowing that my father thought I was dead, yet I've gone missing to hide from him.

I tried to speak but the words couldn't escape my lips. Tears uncontrollably rolled my cheeks down as we look in each other's eyes. My father's face shows nothing but shock. I couldn't say if he's happy or mad that I am here, but one thing I'm sure is that he's so surprised to see me, standing here in front of him with a beating heart and breathing air.

"No... No, you're not Amanda!!! She.. She's dead!!! My daughter! My baby is dead!!! You're not her!!! You're.. You're an impostor!!!" He screamed and shot the gun.

I quickly hunched down and luckily avoided the bullet that went directly on the wall. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I quickly ran to my room and closed the door.

"Open this up!!! You're not Amanda!!! My baby girl is dead!! She's already dead!!!" He screamed banging on the door.

I cry hardly as I watch the door shake through his bangs. My mind is so confused and I don't know what to do. I never thought that my loss would lead to the insanity of my father. I never thought that he'd still need me in his life. I never thought of all the results of everything that I have done before. And I know it's too late, too motherfucking late for now to say this but... But I wish... I really wish I have thought of it. I have thought all of it before!!!

Confused and loss, I cried hard as I think of everything that I've done. Staying with Andrej for so long, forgetting about my father, forgetting about my home, my life... I'm so shit!!! I'm so selfish!!! I'm a very bad daughter!!! I'm so evil!! So self-centered bitch that knows nothing but good to myself!!! I'm so wicked to everything that death itself wouldn't be enough for my punishment!! I should be living in hell.... I should....