The Moon's Redamancy In Fall [Tsukishima x Yamaguchi]

fifteen.

Inspired by the song "Without U" by Beach Goons (Spooky Black Cover)

❝I wanna tell you how beautiful you are, but you're nowhere to be found.❞

Yamaguchi

The heat emitting from my cheeks suddenly fades as I could hear Kaori-san's voice from the hallway with her approaching foot steps towards the door. Tsukki pulled away abruptly. The sudden lost of his touch made me feel . . . empty . . . cold.

He sat down by the edge of his bed, stroking the nape of his neck, with his eyes closed, without saying another word. My entire body was throbbing, I could feel the blood rushing throughout my body and I could hear my heartbeat through my ears. My head was spinning and throbbing, it felt like I've been in a carousel ride for hours.

Kaori-san peeked behind the door from the outside of Tsukki's room making me startle, "Oh, I'm sorry, were you guys about to sleep?" Kaori-san half whispered.

My mind suddenly comes back to the thought of my mom, "Uh . . . Actually, I'm about to go home, Kaori-san" I mumbled, trying my best to sound sober, as I shove my hands in the pockets of my jacket in order to surpress the coldness of Tsukki's room. My hand was freezing.

Trail of thoughts suddenly pours down my mind, thinking how the hell am I going to go home, will there be a ride home? How am I going to explain to my mom why I got home so freaking late?

Kaori-san spoke again, "About that, I already told your mom you're staying here for the night," Her soft smile shone with the small light coming from the window.

Somehow, relief was washed all over me, I honestly wouldn't know how to face my mom looking like this. Drunk. I was happy to hear that Kaori-san and my mom did not lost contact. They used to be best of friends when Tsukki and I were still little. Tsukki and I would be in a lot of trouble and both my mom and Kaori-san would babble about it.

"You can sleep in the guest's room next do-" Kaori-san's voice was immediately cut off by Tsukki's low, raspy voice.

"He's sleeping here," Tsukki dragged his words, his voice, warming my freezing frame. Tsukki did not looked interested of taking the conversation any longer, his eyes droopy and cheeks still stained.

Kaori-san smiled once again, "All right then, don't stay up too late, okay?" She sighed, "Tadashi, thank you so much for taking care of Kei, I had to take care of his dad,"

I happily obliged, nodding towards her, "It's no big deal, thank you for having me tonight,"

Her eyes trailed down my outfit making me purse my lips, suddenly feeling insecure, "If you'd want to borrow some of Kei's pajamas it's just right there," Kaori-san's voice was soft, obvious with kindness, she pointed at the cabinet across Tsukki's room.

I smiled at her, "Thank you," I politely bowed my head in a slight manner.

Kaori-san left the room, closing the door, I let out a long, deep breath. My eyes wandered around his room, his room was already painted with clean white and it looked very neat and organized. Tsukki had one dinosaur figure on his desk, and a few scattered pens.

Flashbacks started to appear as I remembered having sleepovers with Tsukki, here in this very room. We would stay up all night just to talk about random things and I would always end up listening to him chatter about his love for dinosaurs and how he would finish all Jurassic World films.

Tsukki startled my train of thoughts, interrupting my thinking, "Aren't you going to get changed?" His words still sounding slurry.

I bit my lip, curling my toes on the floor, "O-Okay . . ." Dragging myself towards his cabinet, I pry opened it, and his a trace of his scent was all over, making me smile to myself.

Taking out a pair of sleeping clothes, I took out a shirt with a star printed on it and an argyle patterned pajamas. My hands fumbled with my jeans, hesitant to take it off, infront of Tsukki. I paused.

Tsukki's eyes were still closed, "God, I'm not looking," His breath was steady, and voice tick with annoyance.

I rapidly changed into his pajamas, almost stumbling over my jeans, panicking that he might see me naked. His shirt smelled exactly like him, he somehow smells like home. It was a little big for me.

I mean, when we were kids we would bathe together, it was so fun because I wasn't still that insecure about my body. I didn't like how my body grew and how my freckles would be all over my cheeks down my shoulders, scattered like dirt.

I strode towards him, with his body sprawled on his bed, his arms covering his face. I stood there and wasn't able to move or do anything. I honestly did not want to make things awkward but a while back . . . I couldn't deny the fact that we were about to have our first . . . kiss. But it's probably just the alcohol in our system. It can't be real.

Tsukki moved by the edge of the bed, as he sat up, groaning, "My head is fucking spinning,"

I chuckled, "Well, you're not the only one,"

Once again, the room fell silent, the silence caressed his skin like a cool summer breeze, smoothing his soul, taking away his jagged edges. He looked weary.

I licked my lips that were drying from the cold temperature before speaking the words that were playing in my mind the entire evening, "What is it with you and your dad?"

Tsukki's face fell, grimacing from my words, his voice coming our sharp, harsh, "Why do you care-"

I cut him, "Why do I care? Of course, I care for you, Tsukki," I tell him, without sounding too aggressive.

His eyes never met mine, "I don't want to talk about him," Tsukki rub his temples, looking frustrated, almost at his limit.

I did not want to sound pushy but at some point, I did not want Tsukki suffering from this, from keeping his feelings and emotions all bottled up inside of him, relying on his own pride, "What? Why? It can't be that bad-"

"What the fuck do you know?" Tsukki's voice was already raising.

My breathing suddenly become rapid, "None!" My voice broke into a yell, sighing in disbelief, "It's because you are so selfish, you always keep everything in you!"

Tsukki knows damn well how I was always been there beside him. He stayed silent. The void was a cruelty he inflicted unintentionally, but had he been aware he would not have cared one iota. He picked his eyes off the carpeted floor with the weariness of one who is fatigued with the whining of a small child and frowned.

He started crying.

The sobs were stifled at first as Tsukki attempted to hide his grief but failed miserably, then overcome by the wave of his emotions, he broke down entirely, all his defences washed away in those salty tears.

Each new wave a hot trail of agony as slim, shoulders shook in each rake of emotion through his frame. Fire of shame and anger burned just under his skin as the sentiments brewed over and boiled past the seams he could no longer hold together.

Tsukki's breathing hitched, his shoulders shook as he drowned himself in his own tears of hell. When he cried there was a rawness to it, like the pain was still an open wound.

To see Tsukki like this, I felt like my heart had been broken into pieces. This boy is still a child by heart, broken and damned. His sobs and cry bleeds through my ears. This heartbreak feels cold. It feels like concrete drying in my chest.

I never seen Tsukki so vulnerable until this night.